


Glimpsing Happiness

by EnthusiasticSloth, matrixaffiliate



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - World War II, Banter, Blindness, British Military, Desi James Potter, F/M, Families of Choice, Flirting, Hospitals, Jewish Lily Evans Potter, Nurses & Nursing, Period-typical casual insults to the French, Temporary Blindness, White Marlene McKinnon, Young Sirius Black, inconvenient attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-07-12 15:33:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 34,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15998174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnthusiasticSloth/pseuds/EnthusiasticSloth, https://archiveofourown.org/users/matrixaffiliate/pseuds/matrixaffiliate
Summary: World War II AU. British Army Captain Sirius Black is sent to Netley Hospital with Typhoid fever that rendered him (temporarily?) blind. Marlene McKinnon is his nurse. She has her work cut out for her...Updates every Saturday.Co-written with the fabulous EnthusasticSloth! https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnthusiasticSloth You can read it on her account as well! We hope you enjoy it because we've absolutely died and gone to heaven writing it!





	1. Chapter 1

Marlene straightened her veil and smoothed the creases out of her white apron before grabbing her gray woolen coat. She chuckled bitterly at the lies she and Mary had told themselves when the war began. September seemed like a dream not just over half a year ago.

 

When she'd interviewed for the QAIMNS to be a military nurse she'd been a bit startled at being asked to wait afterward. The officer had returned to the waiting room ten minutes later and handed her a packet. _Open only in the event of war_ was printed across the front. He thanked her and sent her on her way. When Mary had the same packet after her interview, Marlene at least knew it wasn't a ploy. Marlene still remembered the chill she felt when England declared war. She and Mary opened their packets together in Marlene's room. The fact that they'd been assigned to the same place was a miracle within itself. War had a habit of pulling everyone apart. But they thought Netley would be an adventure back then. They thought they would be by the sea and have beautiful scenery to live in and that this was how they'd make a difference. Though if she was honest, Marlene would have preferred being handed a rifle and marching orders. But she had to take what she could get.

 

“Ready Marls?” Mary came out of the loo and walked to the small bed adjacent to the one Marlene sat upon. Her Majesty's nurses were being put up in qualified dwellings, but Marlene knew the stories from The Great War and she refused to become attached to this small flat as home.

 

Home was London. Home was the bustling streets where she would run to school with her brother and sister. Home was making fun of her older brother for pinning after the shop girl. Home was her younger sister playing their grandmother's violin because she had the gift. Home was her mum's Sunday dinners and her seamstress work all over the sitting room. Home was the smell of her dad's pipe tobacco wafting through their small house and his hugs that made her feel understood. Home was when everyone thought that the world had seen it's worst war. This, well this was anything but home.

 

Marlene sighed and grabbed her gloves, “Let's get this wretched walk over with.”

 

Mary tutted, “Just think of it as a pleasant stroll near the seaside.”

 

Marlene playfully pulled one of Mary’s black curls from under her veil, “I can always count on you to be a bright ball of sunshine can't I?”

 

Mary reached up and grabbed one of Marlene's blonde ringlets. Marlene flinched as the lock of hair caught on Mary's wedding band, “Your fault for wearing the sun on your head, Sister.”

 

The women began their trek up to Netley Hospital. The cold spring air whipped against them and Marlene nearly lost her veil twice. It was biting cold and their fingers and toes ached as they climbed the hill. _There's a reason that it took two steam engines for the trains to reach the hospital station_ , Marlene mused as she braced herself against the wind that threatened to knock her back down the hill.

 

When they finally made it to the hospital doors, Marlene groaned. The entry to the hospital was most peculiar and if she was being honest, downright disturbing. This grand entry served as some sort of deranged circus. All the skulled momentos of animals that had been collected across the British Empire. _Beasts really_ , she shuddered and practically dragged Mary past it all as quickly as possible. Marlene didn't think she'd ever become accustomed to it.

 

“They really aren't all that bad, Sister Marlene,” Mary smirked and stopped to admire what was labeled as an elephant skull.

 

“Sister Mary, we're going to be late if we don't step to it and the Matron won't thank us for it.”

 

Mary sighed and removed her coat before adjusting her scarlet tippet, “Well then off we go.”

 

They walked to their Matron’s office, nodding politely and grabbed their assignments off the wall covered in file folders.

 

“Bollocks,” Marlene muttered as they walked out and she opened her folder.

 

Mary peered over her shoulder, “Oh dear.”

 

“I was supposed to be done this week!” Marlene groaned. “Private Fenwick will be cleared and on his way to the station by now and I was supposed to be done with Quarantine because we'd have no more patients. But no! We had to get a typhoid fever patient!”

 

“But we sent vaccines over to France. He should have been vaccinated, it was mandated, David told me so.” Mary’s husband had been sent over to France with the British Expeditionary Force.

 

“The vaccine isn't a guarantee, Sister. He's probably one of the lucky ones.” Marlene huffed and snapped her folder shut.

 

“Yes,” Mary rolled her eyes, “very lucky, indeed.”

 

“Enjoy surgical recovery,” Marlene tipped her head as they reached Mary's ward.

 

“Enjoy your walk,” Mary blew her a kiss before walking into the first room of her ward.

Marlene started her near quarter-mile trek to the far side of Netley Hospital. She'd gone home last night looking forward to a new assignment, to being done with the Quarantine patient. Not that Private Fenwick was a bad sort, but Marlene was tired of being sequestered off with the shy little ward maid, Arabella Figg. She was a sweet enough lady, but she always insisted on talking about the cats she bread and Marlene wasn't particularly fond of cats, she was more of a dog person actually, so their conversations fizzled out quickly.

 

“Sister Marlene,” Arabella smiled kindly at her as she pulled the sheets off of Private Fenwick's cot. “I told them to put your new patient by the window. Not much of a view, but I thought a bit of sun would do the poor officer good.”

 

“Thank you, Arabella,” Marlene nodded and walked to the far end of the room where a man lay unconscious under his blankets. Opening the chart, Marlene sighed, “Welcome home, Captain Black.”


	2. Chapter 2

It started out like just a common cold. Sirius did his best to ignore the blaring headache and aches in his muscles. He was fighting in a bloody war; he had more important things to focus on than the damned sniffles.

 

But within a few weeks, it was high fevers to the point of full-on delirium. No amount of Iron-will stubbornness could have kept him on the field after that. He was lucky someone had dragged him off to sick bay before his vision gave out.

 

Losing his sight was quite jarring, even to a mind that was preoccupied with the fact it was boiling. Was he dying? Where was he? What was happening?

 

He woke up, and by virtue of doing so, he was fairly sure he wasn’t dead. He didn’t quite have a gage on how long he was unconscious, but when he woke he was absolutely sure he’d been moved.

 

_The smell._

 

This was some sort of infirmary or hospital. It smelled like sickness. Death and dying. Was he next? What sort of soldier dies of the sniffles? Uncle Alphard would be ashamed.

 

Or he would have been...He was gone now. Sirius winced. The news of his favorite Uncle’s passing was fresh. The letter had only come a week before the nosebleeds began.

 

Uncle Alphard had been his hero. The only person he could really look up to in that whole god-forsaken family. He was also just about the only blood relation that Sirius had who hadn’t been ashamed of him.

 

To be fair, the shame went both ways. Having grown up in a house with his 1st cousin, Bellatrix Black, who kissed the ground that Herr Hitler walked on, was not something that Sirius was particularly proud of. Leaving aside the constant rumors that she was _intimately_ close to the Führer and may or may not be pregnant with his horrible Nazi hellspawn. Sirius didn’t even believe that last bit, but he felt sure that Bella _wished_ it were true. She’d had these awful framed photos of him up in her bedroom when they were children. She was living her dream… It disgusted him and he didn’t bring it up if he could help it.

 

Instead, he attempted to shake off any hints of German in his speech and mannerisms. This was a monumental task for someone who spoke German from the nursery. In truth, he was a quarter British, if that. His mother’s mother was a Granddaughter of Queen Victoria herself. But they’d married Germans, as the British nobility had been wont to do, and consequently, his Mother’s noble house of Black, was about as German as anyone in Europe.

 

His father was bitter that he never got to wear the crown he had lived his life thinking that he deserved. He’d never fully adjusted. It was a far fall from His Royal Highness Orion, Crown Prince of Saxony, to an untitled exile, taking his wife’s name and live off her relatives' generosity.

 

Things were always tense at Uncle Cygnus’s generosity and his estate in Berkshire. Sirius and Cygnus’s middle daughter, Andromeda, clung to each other, and their uncle Alphard, in the midst of all these disgruntled Germans. The three of them were all that was left, well before England declared war. The others contended that Herr Hitler had the right idea about the Herrenmenschen. Transparently desperate to be superior to someone after losing their titles, they made their choice.

 

Sirius felt that he had to make choices of his own, despite being only 15 at the time. He’d opted to stay behind with his best mate from Eton, James Potter, and Uncle Alphard. This decision, and his iron-will refusal to do as he was told, did not go over well.

 

His mother berated him for his choices, saying he was a traitor to his blood. He said they were traitors to his country. This was the country that had educated him and taught him to be a man more than she ever could. So his parents and younger brother went on their way to support the Fürher and Sirius Black did his damnedest to be an English Gentleman through and through. That was that.

 

Apparently, being an English Gentleman did nothing to fend off typhoid fever. So he was to convalesce at the rather unpleasant smelling Netley Hospital for the time being.  

 

Those were amongst the words of the commanding baritone voice, was it a doctor? A medic? How was Sirius supposed to know? He couldn’t bloody _see_. How did people manage to live like this?

 

This was going to get old very quickly, if, like the voice informed him, he was going to live through it. Six weeks as a blind invalid?

 

 _Bollocks_ …

 

“Welcome home, Captain Black” the sound of his name startled him out of his half unconscious state.

 

“Did you say _home_? Are you sure about that? I think perhaps I died and went to Hell. Are you Hell’s secretary?”

 

“I beg your pardon! I’m Sister Marlene McKinnon. I’m charged with taking care of you while you recover here at Netley. So I recommend you be a bit nicer to me. You just asked the woman who’ll handle all your meals and medication for the next… ooooh six weeks is it… if she was Hell’s secretary.”

 

“And I’m still not convinced that you’re not. Sister Marlene. Are you a nun? I’m afraid I find myself dreadfully blind at the moment. You’ll have to tell me; are you wearing one of those nun head what’s-its?”

 

“Well, this is going to be an eventful six weeks… No, Captain Black, I’m not a nun. Sister is a rank. Sister is _my_ rank in Queen Alexandra's Imperial Military Nursing Service.”

 

“Ah yes. Great Aunt Alix. That was the funeral of the season when I was six.” He remarked casually.

 

“Captain, I don’t care if her Majesty herself was your aunt. You still have to be polite.”

 

“Do I? Is there a law? ‘Here in Hell, we must be polite’? I must say, that’s unexpected. Here I was thinking the Devil would be lax with the rules. Shows what I know.”

 

Sirius was pretty sure he heard the woman, Sister Marlene, groan.

 

“I’ll be back in an hour, Captain Black. Perhaps by then you’ll have reconsidered your attitude.” Her clipped footsteps faded towards what must have been the door.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Marlene handed the night maid, Susan Bones, Dr. Dodge's instructions for Captain Black. She felt a great deal of sympathy for whatever poor Sister would have to monitor all the wards on the far side of the hospital for the night. It had been utterly exhausting! The man was a right nightmare, and Marlene was starting to wonder why on Earth she had thought being a nurse of Her Majesty was an honor.

 

Mary greeted her at the entrance with a tired smile.

 

“How's your new patient?” She linked her arm with Marlene's as they walked past the animal tribute to the British Empire, dubbed _skull alley_ by many of the patients.

 

Marlene groaned, waiting to answer until they were clear of the hospital. “A right nightmare honestly! I have never met a more arrogant posh brat in my life!”

 

Mary squeezed her arm, “Oh Marls.”

 

Marlene huffed, the only good thing of the day so far was that the wind had miraculously died down.

 

“He asked me if I was Hell's secretary! The bastard then went on to ask if I was a nun! Honestly, you'd think the man never stepped foot in a Nursing tent in France until someone dragged him there when the delirium started. And that is most certainly giving him the benefit of the doubt because I suspect he was just being an arse!”

 

“Wait,” Mary’s face contorted as they walked, “He asked if you were a nun? But you aren't dressed as one.”

 

“Oh that's the best part!” Marlene shook her head with a sarcastic smile. “The fever brought on blindness. The doctors agree it's most likely temporary, but Arabella and I have had to help him with everything. And there's no gratitude whatsoever I tell you! All the wretched boy does is complain and insult me!”

 

“Oh Marls, I'm sorry!” Mary adjusted her veil as they turned up their street. “Maybe there will be post at the flat when we get there, that'll cheer you up!”

 

True to Mary's premonition, letters from Marlene's brother, Richard, and younger sister, Anne, along with a letter from Mary's husband, David, were sitting in their post box. The two squealed with delight and barely managed to get their coats off before they'd fallen on their beds with their letters. Marlene chuckled at the pages David had sent Mary, she'd be preoccupied for the better part of the evening.

 

Richard's letter was short, they always were. He'd been assigned to a battleship in the Royal Navy that was patrolling the Channel. There wasn't much else that he was could report on, but his letter was full of the words of love and encouragement Marlene needed. Richard knew, better than anyone, that Marlene wanted to be fighting, to be out on the battlefields. He knew how useless she felt in a military hospital, safe within the boundaries of her homeland. But he assured her it made a difference. Only the best were chosen for the QAIMNS he reminded her, it was an honor to have been chosen and it was the best way for her to serve her King and England.

 

Anne's letter was full of questions, they always were. Anne was at the Royal College of Nursing, the same school Marlene and Mary had attended, and she desperately wanted to prove herself. She wanted a spot in the QAIMNS, and her letters always asked about how Marlene had shown her worth.

 

By the time Marlene had written replies to her siblings, and a quick letter to her parents as well, Mary had just finished David's letter.

 

“Your husband is a novelist.” Marlene teased her as she set about making a small dinner for the two of them.

 

Mary laughed as she lent a hand, “He just jots down small things over the course of a couple of weeks and then sends me the lot. They're rather incoherent at times.”

 

“But invaluable, I'm sure.” Marlene bumped her shoulder and smiled at how Mary's eyes glistened in the dim light.

 

They spent the evening tidying up the flat to the proper standards of their rank. When they were finally in their beds, a thought occurred to Marlene.

 

“Mary?” She rolled over to look across the room at Mary's bed.

 

“Hm?” Mary opened her eyes and yawned.

 

“Would you switch wards with me tomorrow? I'm sure the Matron won't notice. She did ward inspections today so she won't tomorrow.”

 

Mary pushed up and rested her head on her elbow. “We really shouldn't, Marlene.”

 

Marlene pushed herself up to mirror Mary's position. “Please, Mary! I've been in the Quarantine Ward for nearly two months already! Just one day reprise, I beg of you!”

 

Mary laughed at her, “I've been in surgical recovery since the start of the year. You've had three ward assignments since we got here and I have had two. You're one to complain.”

 

“All the more reason for you to have a day in the Quarantine Ward! I'm sure you'd like the change in scenery.” Marlene felt like she was grasping at straws.

 

Mary gawked at that comment, “Marls, the hospital is the same scenery in every patient room. There's absolutely no difference from one end to the other!”

 

“He's fit,” Marlene tried again in desperation.

 

Mary gave her a strange stare, “Marlene, darling, are you delirious? I just received a letter from my _husband_. I could care less if the man was Cary Grant!”

 

Marlene threw herself back onto her pillow, “I know, I know! Look the man is an absolute prick and I'm going to be stuck with him for probably six weeks and all I'm asking is that you give me one measly day to adjust to my current doom. Then you can have your calm post with surgical recovery back and I won't ever ask you to switch with me again.”

 

Mary sighed heavily and pushed herself up to sitting. “Alright, but you owe me one, and just for tomorrow.”

 

Marlene jumped from her covers and wrapped Mary in a hug. “You really are the most wonderful best friend!”

 

Mary hugged her tight a moment before laughing, “You know, given how much of an arse he is, I think his blindness is a benefit. He can't start making comments about your appearance.”  
  
Marlene pulled back and chuckled, “I suppose that's true. At least if he's a bigot as well as an arse he won't be able to to see you."  
  
“I'm rather proud of my Moroccan Heritage,” Mary’s face went hard.   
  
“As you should be,” Marlene squeezed her shoulder, “but I don't handle people treating you poorly, especially when it's because of your heritage."  
  
Mary hugged Marlene tight. "You and David would burn down the world for me, wouldn't you?"  
  
"In a heartbeat, love," Marlene returned her hug fiercely.  
  
The held each other for a moment before Mary sighed.  
  
"To bed with us then, I'll need my rest to put up with an overgrown spoiled child all day tomorrow." Mary gave Marlene a gentle shove out of her bed.

 

As Marlene laid down she smiled over at Mary, “Thanks, love, you're the best.”

 

“Only for you, Marls.”

 


	4. Chapter 4

“Good Morning, Captain. I’ve got your medication. Miss Fig will be up with Breakfast soon.”

 

The familiar voice of Sister Marlene McKinnon brought with it a rush of relief. Sirius had been bored to tears by the girl they’d sent in her place yesterday. No matter what sort of attitude he dished out she refused to answer back to him. It was an extremely dull day.

 

It wasn’t that he liked Sister Marlene or anything, but she was at least fun to pester. Fun was hard to come by as an invalid in a damned hospital bed, so he’d take it.

 

“Sister Marlene! You’re back. Where were you? That dingbat they sent in your place was no fun all...even worse than you. Are all nurses sticks in the mud or is it just the ones here?”

 

“Beg pardon but my good friend _Sister_ Mary and I are not just _nurses_. We’re members of QAIMNS and contributing to this war effort just like you!”

 

“Right then…”

 

If Sirius had full control of his eyes, he would have rolled them. This woman was a pistol. At least she was entertaining? An argument was better than a bore?

 

Sister Marlene took an audible deep breath, probably in an effort to calm down and resist the urge to pummel him with the nearest medical equipment.

 

“So...it appears you have a letter, Captain Black. From a… Captain Potter? Would you like me to read it to you?”

 

“That’s my best mate James. He’s more of a brother to me, really. Open at your own risk. His letters aren’t always appropriate for mixed company...Or actually, what do I care? Open it, Sister.”

 

He heard Sister Marlene’s loud exhalation and imagined she was rolling her eyes at him. What did Sister Marlene even look like? She could have a walleye for all he knew. In fact, he hoped she had a walleye. The less attractive the better. She was seeing him at his very worst and it would be properly embarrassing if she turned out to be a stunner.

 

“Alright then. I’ve got it open for you and I’ll start reading it.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Wow. I didn’t know you were familiar with that word, Captain.”

 

“I’m full of surprises.”

 

She cleared her throat and began reading.

 

_“Dear Pads,_

 

_I heard you’ve gone blind. That’s just wretched! I’ve also heard that you’re not dead. Good! Keep it that way, will you?_

 

_Side note; since you’re blind and all it occurs to me that someone will be reading this to you. Hello whoever you are! I bet my brother is a real pain in your neck. Don’t hold it against him. It’s just his nature. (Pause for effect)”_

 

Marlene did as the letter instructed and laughed. Sirius Laughed as well. It was very like James to be casually insulting. That was how they expressed their brotherly love for one another.

 

“I think I like this brother of yours.”

 

“Charming. Do get on with it…”

 

 _“_ All right, all right: ‘ _I can’t believe it’s May already. I’ll be a father in just two months and a bit. I wish I could see Lily getting properly round. She thinks it’s a boy. She says it’s bad luck to name the baby after a living person, so you’ll have to forgive me for not naming him for you. Mum asked if we wanted to consider a more traditional Sanskrit name. I think, now that they’re back in India, she wishes Dad hadn’t gone to such lengths to Anglicize. I’m not entirely averse to the idea, but it has to be something both Lily and I are able to pronounce properly! It’s not as if Lily is suggesting we name him for her late uncle…’_

 

Marlene paused and made a noise that indicated confusion.

 

“Sorry. This name. Looks like your brother and his wife have no shortage of culture to impart on this baby they’re having. Don't get me wrong, it's wonderful, just, I'd have an easier time in Arabic honestly. My best friend is Moroccan and she thinks it's funny to try to teach me Arabic. I'm rather awful at it, honestly. But moving on, I'll just take a stab at this name here…

 

Sirius realized as she paused again before continuing, that he didn’t know anything about the woman who’d be taking care of him for the next six weeks. She’d know a great deal too much about him, by the end of this. Perhaps he should listen to these little details.

 

 _“_ So I guess it says ‘ _Chizkiyahu’?_ Then it goes on; ‘ _I hope we’re both able to be there at his naming ceremony. Did you know both sides of the baby’s family traditionally hold naming ceremonies? That’s convenient. Will you be able to see by then?_

 

_When do they expect you’ll be able to see? If you stay blind, the cheers from women across the world will be deafening. The pretty ones will be glad to be rid of you and the plain ones will have a shot with the famed Sirius Black. Alas, I’m sure women of any sort of countenance will catch on to your personality fairly quickly. Do you think there’s a war-related injury that’ll make you less of a wanker?_

 

_I hope not. You’re my brother and I love you for the (currently blind) wanker you are._

 

_I hope to see you soon (even if you can’t see me),’_

 

Then he signed it ‘ _Prongs’_ what’s that mean?”

 

Sirius smirked.

 

“Do you ask personal questions of all your patients, Sister Marlene, or am I just special?”

 

“Sorry, You’re right that was inappropriate of me…” her voice was clipped.

 

“I’m kidding. Calm down, Sister. It’s a nickname not a state secret. My dorm mates back at Eton all had nicknames based on our Coat of Arms. Mine’s got a dog, his has a Stag. So Padfoot and Prongs.”

 

“You’re right. That...is definitely not a state secret.” Was she laughing at him? It certainly sounded like she might be.

 

“You’ve told me I’m right twice in the past minute. Did some impressive voice mimic replace Sister Marlene?”

 

“You’re horrible. The worst patient I’ve ever had. I take very good care of you in hopes you’ll make a quick recovery and I can be done with you…. is that better?” If she wasn't laughing, she was at least smiling.

 

“Ah. Ok. Still, Sister Marlene. Don’t leave me again Sister.”

 

“Don’t worry. Poor Sister Mary is traumatized. Word travels fast, so I think we’re stuck together, Captain. Like it or not.” She was definitely smiling.


	5. Chapter 5

Marlene spooned the last of the broth into Captain Black’s mouth before placing the tray and the spoon into the tub of disinfectant along with her arm-length rubber gloves that Arabella wheeled over.

 

“Alright then, Captain, is there anything else you need before I get everything ready for the shift change?”

 

“Oh, I don't know, how about my ability to see?” Captain Black smirked in her direction, just slightly to the right of where she now stood, and Marlene muffled her laugh by clearing her throat.

 

“Trust me, if I could cure you of this instantly I would, just to get you out of this hospital and my hair.”

 

His head followed her voice as she removed the rubber apron she was required to wear and moved to the disinfectant she had to soak her hands in before she could leave the ward. It left her skin red and raw and Marlene sighed as she dipped her hands in the bucket, taking note of the time.

 

“Such charming sentiments from the woman in charge of my health,” He drawled.

 

Marlene saw how, even though he couldn't see, Captain Black's eyes seemed to have a mischievous glint to them. They were a soft gray, the kind of gray that pulled you in with its depth and wouldn't let go, and like a fool you called it beautiful. Marlene had seen that same gray nearly every day this winter in Southampton. It was the gray sky over the stormy sea that crashed against the beaches, and brought the rain that drenched them all season. It was the reminder that this was no holiday to the white cliffed region of the country. His eyes seemed to encompass the reality of why they were here, what they were doing, and what it could ultimately cost.

 

“Bloody woman, left without saying goodbye,” he huffed pulling Marlene from her gloomy thoughts.

 

“Insolent child speaks before he thinks,” she spat back. Arabella laughed and winked at her as she wheeled the cart out of the room.

 

Captain Black grinned at her, and Marlene felt something pull at the back of her mind. His black hair had grown a bit longer than was proper for an officer and it was disheveled horribly from laying in his cot. She was suddenly and acutely aware that he was, well, dashing when he wanted to be.

 

_How very typical_

 

The prattish ones were always the most temptingly handsome. The fates were fickle and cruel, and looking at Captain Sirius Black, Marlene started to wonder if they had it out for her personally.

 

Of course, it didn't really matter what the man looked like, she reminded herself. As soon as he was well he'd be back to France and that would be that. The Third Reich didn’t care even one iota that this officer looked like he was sculpted in marble.

 

“Ah, I knew you weren't rude. A right stick in the mud to be certain, but after going on about being polite in Hell, I knew you wouldn't be rude.”

 

Marlene rolled her eyes and thanked her stars when she saw the allotted time was up. Pulling her pruned and red hands from the tub she dried them before making her last marks on his chart.

 

“Someone has to be the adult here because it most certainly isn't you. Try to rest this evening Captain. I'll see you in the morning.” Marlene felt a small twinge of something akin to happiness at her own comment. It was a disturbing thought; could it be that she enjoyed passing insults with this officer? That would be absurd! Wouldn't it…?

 

“I would say I'll see you, but…” he looked towards her, just to her left actually, and Marlene groaned, thankful that his blindness kept him from seeing the smile that crept onto her face.

 

“Goodnight, Captain, do try to grow up in the next 8 hours.”

 

Marlene stepped out if the room before he could respond. She tracked down Susan who was helping Sister Emmeline. After a few quick comments, Marlene was off to meet Mary.

 

One look at Mary told her something was wrong.

 

“Mary?” She dropped all formality.

 

Mary shook her head, “When we're home.”

 

They walked in silence, arm in arm the whole way home. It was unbearably long and each step amplified Marlene's anxiety.

 

After an eternity, they were finally home and Mary made quick work to ensure the windows were closed and locked before turning on their radio and sitting down with Marlene at their small table.

 

She leaned across the table and spoke quietly. “Two new patients arrived in my ward this morning, Norwegian resistance fighters. Apparently we're evacuating the Norwegian resistance, but one of them asked me if the rumors in Norway were true that Hitler was invading France.”

 

Marlene felt her heart stop, and then drop to the floor. “The rumors in Norway are that he's going to invade France?!?”

 

Mary nodded, “I told him I wasn't aware, but asked if he'd like to speak to one of the British Military members here and pass on anything he might know. He told me he'd done that before his surgery.”

 

Tears filled Mary's dark mahogany eyes, “Marls! Marls, David is in France! Marls, what if…”

 

Marlene pushed her fears and anxieties away and moved to Mary, wrapping her arms tightly around her.

 

“Mary, we don't know if these rumors are true. It could all be Nazi propaganda to scare the Norwegians into staying in line. And David knows what he's doing, he's earned his rank. He'll do everything he can to make sure that he and his men make it back home. Oh Mary, don't cry, love.”

 

Marlene clung to her own words, to the sudden calm that came to her voice. Marlene had a brother in the line of danger, but she was well aware how different that was from having the love of your life on the battlefield. Marlene wasn't sure she wanted to know what that felt like.

 

“Let's make a spot of dinner and then we can find something fun on the radio. It's Friday, I'm sure they'll have something to dance to on a station.” Marlene gently pulled Mary's veil off her hair.

 

Mary pulled back and nodded, wiping her eyes with her handkerchief.

 

“Come on, love, David wouldn't want you worrying over rumors. I'm sure he's sitting in his tent writing another entry for your next letter as we speak.”

 

Mary gave a small chuckle and smiled, “You're right of course. I'm sorry Marls, I've just been panicking all day and it all fell out on you.”

 

“That's what best friends are for, right?” Marlene tugged lightly on one of Mary's curls and grinned at her.

 

Mary gave Marlene's veil a tug, “You're always the sunshine love.”

 

As Marlene tried to fall asleep that night, her mind kept going back to the letter she'd read aloud to Captain Black. Captain Potter had a pregnant wife somewhere here in Britain, and he was in France. Just thinking the word sent shivers down her spine, France. Marlene wanted to believe what she had told Mary, but a part of her wouldn't. A part of her felt like it wasn't a rumor. A part of felt it was only a matter of time. Would the soldiers that had been sent to France be able to handle it all? They'd certainly be swelled by the French Army, wouldn't they? And Marlene knew Sisters had been sent with the British soldiers; would they be safe, given they had no way to defend themselves? What would happen to Mary if something happened to David? What would happen to Mrs. Potter, who Marlene had gleaned, was Jewish from the letter, if something happened to her husband in France? What would happen to their child?

 

Marlene pushed her palms to her forehead, willing her mind to stop spinning. Finally gaining control, Marlene started to drift off, and her last thought before completely passing out, was whether or not the unfairly dashing Captain Black tossed and turned about all of this too.

 


	6. Chapter 6

A hint of a smile still lingered on Sirius’s lips after Sister Marlene uttered her last clever retort and bid him goodnight at shift change.

 

It occurred to him that he had no reason to be smiling. He was still dreadfully ill, and missing one of his more vital senses. He hated this whole experience and everything that went with them. Sister Marlene included. She was certainly not a reason for him to smile.

 

Except, he was _sure_ he had been smiling a moment ago while they traded mild barbs. He may have been blind but he could still feel the expressions on his own face.

 

...was he… flirting with her? Why would he flirt with a woman who could be a complete hag for all he knew?

 

“Idiot,” He mumbled at himself.

 

Rationally he knew it was some sort of reflex he’d developed. He wasn’t sure he could turn off the flirtatious edge that must have been part of his interaction with just about anyone who was receptive to it. Apparently he didn’t even need functional vision to pick up on who was receptive. Sister Marlene was _definitely_ receptive to the playful back and forth.

 

That had to have been it. There was no more to it than that.

 

There was, of course, more to the reason he developed the reflex. But that was immaterial. Mostly…

 

He had the hardest time pushing thoughts of Reg from his mind. His younger brother who’d been the son his mother wanted. His younger brother… who he failed to save…

 

His charm and good looks were the only thing he had that Regulus didn’t. Though Sirius had been born before the royal family of Saxony were forced out, and Regulus after, it was always Reg who would have made a better prince. His mother had never failed to point that out.

 

Sirius had to learn to play things to his advantage. He managed to sweet talk and flirt his way into and out of all sorts of scenarios. He fell back on those tools, when he didn’t know what else to do. That was an occupational hazard of being the unfavored son. He needed to make use of what he had.

 

But really, it meant nothing. He shook his head and rearranged the smile on his face into a more neutral expression.

 

He really had nothing to be smiling about. He’d heard references to the British Expeditionary Force work as the “Phoney War”, so called because aside from attacking the Naval Base in Scapa Flow, the Germans seemed content to make France and England wait.

 

Sirius pressed his head back into his pillow and scrunched his eyes shut before laughing at the irony of his actions. Why were the two countries willing to stand by and let Hitler march around Europe? Had they already forgot the Great War?

 

Where was James? James could talk him down from all this. He always did. James helped him to remember how people did stupid things when they were afraid. James grounded him, he always had. But James was still in France, probably spending his time writing Lily and then doing everything he could to keep his men in shape. That was a battle within itself.

 

He'd complained about it in his last letter to Uncle Alphard. Did he even get to read it? Sirius tried to breathe through the tightness in his chest. He'd done the math and Sirius couldn't be sure, the letter would have arrived within a day either side of his passing. All he was sure of, was that Uncle Alfie was gone, and the doctors blamed it on his wounds from the bombing and sinking of the Royal Oak, his ship, his favorite ship, actually. Of all the battleships his uncle had been assigned, he'd told Sirius the Royal Oak was his favorite. It was all rather poetic really. Uncle Alphard didn't go down with his ship because he was saving members of his crew. But when the saving was finished, he followed her to the grave.

 

All he could do now was try to be a man his Uncle would have been proud of. Uncle Alfie had always had faith in him, Sirius reminded himself before settling in to try to go to sleep.

 

At least in his dreams he’d be able to see.

 

* * *

 

 

“Good morning Captain. Where did you pick up German profanity?”

 

“Sister Marlene. You’re starting your intrusive questions early today. Maybe I just appreciate how angry the language of our enemy sounds. Would that explanation suffice?”

 

“If you want to lie to me, sure…. In any case, it looks like you’ve got post.”

 

“Looking forward to snooping through more of my mail, are you?”

 

“Yes it’s what it _live_ for” Marlene’s tone dripped with sarcasm.

 

“Who’s it from? Prongsie again? One of my various and sundry admirers?” He added, in a calculated move.

 

Sister Marlene should know that this was just how he was. He had girls who thought they were in love with him in nearly every county in the South. She wasn’t special. He didn’t even know what she looked like. He tried not to dwell on that fact, but mostly failed in the process.

 

“It’s from a Mrs. Tonks. Are you seeing a married woman, Captain? Scandalous!”

 

“She’s my cousin! It’s not like that… I was never on board with all the… cousin matches… my family was ever so fond of.” He had to quickly correct himself to edit out to more vulgar phrase ‘cousin-fucking’ though deep down he thought Sister Marlene would be amused with the wording rather than offended.

 

“Fine, fine. I’ll just have to take you at your word there. Shall I read Mrs. Tonk’s letter?”

 

“By all means. Dromsy is great.”

 

“Alright then here goes.  ‘ _Dearest Baby Cos, I’ve just received your letter.’_ I don’t remember sending a letter to Mrs. Tonks, was this the one Mary wrote?”

 

“Lovely to know the lot of you have been talking about me behind my back. Yes. That was the day you cruelly abandoned me.”

 

He was definitely putting on a show, and he didn’t quite understand why, but he also resigned himself to his inability to stop it. This was just who he was.  

“Sister Mary happens to be my roommate. We’ve been best friends since we were children. I don’t make a habit of gossiping about you with Miss Fig and Doctor Dodge”

 

“Well that’s too bad. I was going to see what I could get out of them about you.” He attempted to wink but it probably looked incredibly stupid because he had only the vaguest notion as to where Sister Marlene was relative to him in the room. He resolved not to do that again.

 

 _“_ You’re really insufferable, you know that? I’m going to go on with your letter so as not to undo all my hard work by killing you myself. So she says ‘ _I’m so sorry to hear of your illness. I do so hope you recover quickly. If I have the opportunity to visit, and the doctors say it’s safe to come with little Dora, I’d like to visit you before you’re sent back to the thick of it._

 

_Speaking of little Dora, she’s gotten quite good with her letters and she’d love to write you a letter herself one day soon. I told her we could hold off on that until you had regained your vision. (So you can fully appreciate her penmanship and all.)_

 

_I have it on good authority that my daughter will have a cousin of her own sometime this year. No, the rumors about our dear Bella are still not true, as far as I know. But it does seem that Cissy has fallen pregnant with Malfoy’s heir.’”_

 

Sirius heard Marlene’s throat clearing and regretted agreeing to hear the letter. His family was none of this girl’s business. Droms was like to speak freely and it was all very uncomfortable subject matter, outside the select few who’d experienced it along with him.

 

Her pause lasted just a hair too long. He knew she was reading ahead and was taking in all the sordid details of his Nazi family and feeling disgusted by him.

 

For a moment he felt glad he couldn’t see the look on her face. He hated watching people be disappointed with him. He’d gotten quite enough of that from his mother, thanks. He gathered his resolve and nodded to Sister Marlene in hopes she’d get on with it.

 

“‘ _It pains me that I had to learn this through the grapevine. I was once so close with our Cissy. She was such a sweet girl. But I can’t support her choice to follow her husband into the pits of hell itself. I still haven’t corresponded with her since before the wedding. I don’t think it’s likely to change._

 

_I know it must be just as painful for you, being one of us white sheep of the Blacks. Now that our beloved Uncle Alfie has gone there’s just the two of us. I want you to know, Baby Cos, that I am here if you need me. I’m your family. The rest of them might be licking Hitler’s vile fascist boots, but you know me. If you ever need a home, you have one here with Ted and I._

 

_I miss you ever so much, and hope to see you soon. More than that, I hope you can see me soon as well!’_

 

There was a silence. If he had to guess what the sound he heard was, he would say it was Sister Marlene sucking air in through her clenched teeth. But perhaps that was only his own projections. This was right and properly awkward. He would be avoiding eye contact, if he had the faculties to do so.

 

So then it’s signed; ‘ _Your older and wiser cos,_

_Dromsy’’”_

 

The silence went on too long. Sirius felt compelled to say something. Anything. Just to prove to himself that she hadn’t up and left.

 

“Uh… so… I guess this makes my lie about the German profanities especially flagrant.”

 

He heard a small and sad sounding little chuckle from Sister Marlene.

 

“I suppose it does. Don’t worry, Captain Black. It wasn’t as if I believed you anyhow. Besides, the King has more German blood than the Germans themselves. I can’t really hold your family against you while loving my King and country, can I?”

 

“Yeah. His Majesty is something like a 2nd cousin once removed? We’re all cousins, really, if you go back far enough. It’s properly disgusting.”

 

“So you really _don’t_ go in for the cousin fucking?”

 

Sirius felt his jaw drop. Had she really just said that? He _really_ wished he could see the look on her face right as she said it. Was she smiling, knowingly? Was she playing it totally neutral as if she hadn’t said a word that would make the poor sweet cat lady, Miss Fig, blush?

 

He chided himself for letting his mind wander back to Marlene’s appearance. It was such an unknown though, that it gnawed at him to not know. He wondered if it would help to invent a picture of her in his head as a placeholder. He concentrated, but couldn’t come up with an image of a girl who didn’t look something like some combination of the girl from Kent who’d been surprisingly leggy for her height, and the one lass with the curly blonde hair from Cork. This was not helping anything at all.

 

Sirius realized that he’d been in silent awe for far too long. He blinked his annoyingly useless eyes a few too many times and made himself speak.

 

“Sister Marlene! I held my tongue before and you went on ahead and said it.”

 

He put on a tone of being scandalized, but he was sure his amusement was transparent. He knew she was the type of broad to appreciate a diverse vocabulary. He was glad she’d proved him right.

 

“I could hear you thinking it.”

 

“You’ve read me like a book. Credit where credit is due…”

 

Her laugh was real this time. The sound was music to Sirius’s ears. His stomach began to settle in from the wave of anxiety. No one was going to call him a traitor or a Nazi today.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had something come up tomorrow, so you're getting the updates a few hours early! Yay!

He'd dozed off again, and that was probably for the best. She needed some time to sort through her feelings about that letter from Mrs. Tonks. Marlene was still reeling, but none of it was her business. She had no business, no right to ask for explanations or to even think on it really. But think on it she did.

She remembered the first day with him, almost a fortnight ago, and how he'd joked about Queen Alexandra's funeral. She hadn't honestly believed him. It seemed to her that all posh aristocrats wanted to be as closely related to the King and Queen as possible that sometimes they'd go to extreme lengths to infer that they were closer than the reality. But, Sirius, Sirius was not just closely related to the British Crown, he was closely related to some very prominent Nazi families.

It was just that, well… he didn't seem that way to her. Arrogant of course; annoying certainly; drove her mad regularly; but he didn't come off as someone who believed that anyone was less than him based on their color or creed. He didn't strike her as a world domination fan.

Sirius couldn't be a Nazi.

But that resolve only seemed to throw her mind into another spiral. What had happened that he didn't choose the same path all but three members of his family had chosen. And apparently, only two of them were left now. Who was Uncle Alfie? Had he passed of old age? And how did Captain Potter fit into this? Sirius called him his brother, but obviously, that wasn't accurate as far as bloodline was concerned.

Marlene noticed clock and sighed, he was finally sleeping but it was time for his quinine. She hated to wake him, but Doctor Dodge had been strict in his orders. He wouldn't allow typhoid fever to start spreading through Southampton. Marlene and Arabella wore elbow-length rubber gloves, rubber aprons, masks over their faces, and disinfected everything, including their hands before they left the ward. Doctor Dodge also wanted symptoms kept in check as much as possible, and that meant prompt doses of his medication.

"Captain, I have your quinine. She shook his shoulder and he groaned. Marlene hated how his face grimaced in pain. Seeing any patient suffering was one of the worst parts of being a nurse, but seeing someone recover, well that was what made it worthwhile.

"Here," she picked up his glass with her gloved hands. "Just sit up long enough to swallow this and you can sleep again."

She brought her hand to the back of his neck and pushed.

"You're a rightly awful person you know that?" He pushed up on his elbows but opened his mouth when she pressed the pill to his lips, followed by the glass of water.

"So you've told me," Marlene smiled. She thought to say more, but as his head hit the pillow he was out again.

She stood there watching him sleep for several moments. His hair had twisted and knotted a bit with its new length and for some reason, Marlene had to fight the urge to straighten it.

"Sleep well, Sirius," she whispered, barely audible to her own ears.

But then panic suck into the bottom of her stomach. She'd just called an officer patient, a very annoying and rude officer patient at that, by his first name. She spun around and looked at the time. It was only two. She couldn't wait that long. She needed Mary. Mary would set her straight, Mary would explain it all to her. She needed Mary.

Marlene walked to the tub of disinfectant and began the process. Arabella looked up confused.

"Is there something you need Sister? I'd be happy to fetch it."

"Oh no dear, I just wanted to discuss the possibility of adding something a bit more substantial to Captain Black's meals next week with Doctor Dodge. He seems to be taking to the broth well enough." Marlene avoided Arabella's eyes, focusing on the disinfectant her hands were in.

"Good thinking Sister Marlene, Mother always talks about the importance of eating well. And I know that when the cats fall ill the sooner they can handle solid food the sooner they recover." Her voice was normal, but the part of Marlene that was freaking out swore the woman could read her mind.

Marlene chuckled, more so to quiet the part of her that wanted to defend herself to Arabella, and smiled warmly, boldly maybe, at the maid she'd slowly grown fond of.

"I'll only be a moment." She dried her hands and walked quickly out the door.

Marlene stuck her head in the rooms of Mary's ward, finally finding her in the third room. She cleared her throat and Mary looked up startled. Marlene stepped into the corridor and Mary followed.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, Sister?" Mary looked around the corridor as they stepped away from the door.

"Mary, I'm going insane," Marlene whispered, trying to keep the panic from her voice.

Mary sighed, "I'm not switching with you again, Marls."

"No!" Marlene pressed her palm to her forehead. "Mary, I just, something changed and I can't handle this!"

Mary reached a hand out and pulled Marlene's hand from her face.

"Hey," she soothed, "what happened?"

Marlene sighed, "I guess, I read him a letter from Mrs. Tonks, a reply to the letter you wrote with him, and it, I just, Mary he isn't who I thought he was. I mean he is, but, there's so much more to him than being an arse, and …" Marlene went silent and pressed her palm back into her forehead.

Mary observed her for a moment before a small smile touched her lips, "And you haven't felt this way since Fabian Prewett?"

Marlene's heart stopped.

"I know you will never admit that he hurt you, and that's fine, I don't expect you to." Mary continued. "But does that bit of information help you understand what's going on?"

"I need to ask to be reassigned," Marlene started towards her Matron's office.

Mary grabbed her arm and spun her around. "You will do no such thing, Sister!" She whispered fiercely. "If the Matron thinks she can't trust you to be professional you can kiss your position goodbye."

Marlene took a deep breath. Mary was right, she always was.

"So what do I do, Mary?" Marlene hated feeling trapped, it was her greatest fear, being trapped, and she suddenly felt like she'd been pinned between two brick walls.

Mary wrapped her in a hug and Marlene clung to her. "You're going to breathe, you're going to be professional, and you're going to go back to the Quarantine Ward and you're going to care for Captain Black as if he were any other patient. He'll be gone in a few weeks and you'll be able to move to a new Ward and be done with it all."

Marlene sighed, "You're right, of course. Alright, I can do this, back straight and head high right?" Marlene straightened and pushed her shoulders back holding her chin high.

"You can do this, Sister," Mary nodded pulling herself into the same position.

"Right," Marlene took a deep breath. "I need to find Doctor Dodge. I'll see you after our shift, love, and thank you."

Mary smiled at her, "Always the sunshine." She winked before heading back into her room and Marlene turned on her heels towards the Doctors' offices.


	8. Chapter 8

Loud footsteps jarred Sirius out of his thoughts, before Miss Fig's exasperated words could catch up.

"I'm sorry Sister. I tried to keep her back. She was… quite insistent… that she needed to see the officer."

There was a pause; it was very obvious to Sirius that the silence was deliberate. Who had barged in? Were they all staring at each other in horror? Were they signaling each other about something he wasn't meant to know?

"I'll get some gloves and a mask then…" Sister Marlene was uncharacteristically resigned.

Sirius was well aware that no one was supposed to see him who wasn't essential to his care. Not until he was cleared as typhus free.

"Right so, I'll be out in the hall. I trust you know to keep your distance?" He heard Marlene's clipped words and then the sound of the door latch.

He wondered what on earth could be going on that would compel someone to strong arm their way into a quarantine ward. But he didn't have much chance to ponder the question, because the familiar voice of his cousin Andromeda Tonks explained.

"Baby Cos. You look like hell."

"Droms. I'd return your compliments in kind but… I haven't the foggiest idea how you look. What the hell are you doing here?"

"I didn't know who would tell you if I didn't, and I couldn't stand wondering. It's Regulus. He was killed."

"...in action, then?" The unsaid words were deafening between the cousins. He died fighting for the enemy? Was he brave? Was he scared and alone? Could Sirius have done anything differently?

He couldn't put into words the lurch in his still-recovering stomach. He never had words when it came to Reg. Not since their last exchange, at that god-awful funeral for their father.

"I got word that he was working with some sort of… conspiracy. He was resisting Sirius. He died trying to sabotage Hitler. He died fighting against the Nazis not for them. I'm not sure if that's any comfort, but I thought you should know."

"A comfort?" He swallowed hard. "I don't know, Droms, he's still dead. Hitler's still alive, I presume. He… I wish he'd come back with me… that time."

"After your father?"

In his mind, he could still see the huge Swastika flag they'd draped over his father's casket. He'd never felt close to his father, but that funeral convinced him that there was some fundamental difference that was bigger than loyalty of a nation, or preference for a language. His father's body was being shrouded in a symbol of hate…

He'd known… he'd always known that Reg didn't have that kind of hate in him. He wanted to be the good son, sure. He wanted Mother to tell him she was proud. But he'd really thought that seeing that funeral would have convinced Reg to come home to England. To him…

"Yeah, you didn't have to go to the funeral. I remember now. It was just Uncle Alfie with me. We stuck out like sore thumbs but we were there amongst the sea of strangers doing Sieg Heils….Reg… He was just a kid. He didn't, he couldn't have, it wasn't, I knew him Dromsy; I knew who he was; I knew he didn't belong there."

"You were a kid too. You're a kid still, Baby Cos."

"I could have tried harder. I could have...I should have done something...done more...I owed him that much...I was the oldest, I was supposed to protect him. I... He wasn't… he didn't… he was one of us Droms."

The hot tears escaping from his eyes were so selfish that he hated himself even more as they rolled down his cheeks. He couldn't really miss a brother who he'd had no contact with for nearly 3 years. But it  _hurt_ down to his very core that he knew he'd failed.

There was no more chance at redemption. Regulus was dead and every mistake was solidified and final. That was what really drew forth tears from a man who'd been taught that Blacks Do Not Cry from the nursery. Because as hard as that lesson was driven into him, harder still was the notion that He Must Not Fail.

Andromeda's voice trembled, "He was one of us. I think in a way, I'm proud of him. He was very brave, that idiot boy. ...I wish he'd have written. But anyone can die in war, Cos. You know that, I trust. He died fighting against the same evil that he might have if he'd come back here and enlisted."

"I didn't know he had it in him. I was supposed to be the one who was brave and stupid."

Sirius wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, managing to hit his mouth before finding his tear stained useless eyes.

"You still are. But you're still alive. And they can hardly send you back to the trenches blind." Andromeda's voice rang out with the characteristic huffines that Sirius associated with his favorite cousin.

"I'll get my vision back. The doctor said it's likely."

"Is it wrong of me to hope you don't? I prefer you safe and blind."

There was a solemn note in her voice that sent chills down his spine. He hadn't heard the words out loud before. He'd be a liar if he said he hadn't considered it himself. But ultimately it didn't matter what he would prefer so he didn't dwell on it. He just kept taking the pills they gave him and planned for a future that the doctor had told him was likely.

The primal physical reaction that he experienced when confronted with the notion of spending the rest of his life blind was deeply unpleasant. That the last memory he'd have of his sight would be the canvas above his cot in France.  _No._  Those thoughts would paralyze him, and so he shoved them back with force, insistent that they keep at bay.

His hand found a mended spot on his blanket and his fingers fumbled with it. He let the silence go for too long but finally, he sighed and looked in the direction that Droms' voice had resonated from.

"Droms, I… don't know what to say. You shouldn't have come but thank you for doing it anyway. It means a lot that you cared about how I found out."

"I'm your family Sirius." Her voice broke as she said his name.

Sirius pushed the second wave of tears back. He would  _not_  cry again. Andromeda had been raised in the same home he had. She was more stoic by nature, but somewhere under all the icy authority that his elder cousin projected, she knew what was going on inside him and how he'd come to be the way he was. She knew that he was fighting to maintain a stiff upper lip, and she knew why. He wasn't sure if he hated that about her or wanted to breathe in the feeling of being understood, and not let go of the only family he had left.

"We're an ever-shrinking group."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Dromsy, but please leave before you catch the plague or whatever it is."

 _Or I completely breakdown,_  he thought bitterly.

There was a moment where there was nothing. Silence was particularly annoying since he lost his vision. It was like he felt himself sinking into a vacuum of nothingness inside himself for every second he couldn't hear something, anything really, to remind him that he was still part of this world.

"Captain Black…Sirius? Is there… anything I can do?"

There was his reminder. Her voice would probably be etched into his memory for the rest of his life. He'd never been so dependent on the sound of a voice. And with any luck, he wouldn't be again.

Was he still crying? It hadn't really occurred to him until then, but he was certain that he was still shedding tears as Sister Marlene uttered his given name for perhaps the first time since he'd asked if she was Hell's secretary.

_Bollocks_

"You were listening, then?" His tone was sharp, sharper than intended.

He winced at his overreaction. Marlene was his only contact with the world outside of his own mind. He needed to lash out at something. It wasn't like he could start throwing furniture in here. In fact, he hadn't the slightest clue as to the location of a chair in the room, if it even had one.

"No! I really wasn't. It's just that your cousin handed me a note. It was fairly to-the-point. I'm sure she just wanted me to understand why I should leave her alone without causing a fuss."

The sincerity in her voice was so evident that he had no doubt that she was telling the truth. Maybe it was wrong to assume she was snooping. She really was trying to be kind to him despite the long list of reasons he'd given her to do otherwise.

"You did. Thanks. For the… lack of fuss...I guess."

"You don't have to thank me for basic human decency. I'm sorry… for your loss."

Human decency - what a strange concept. Common people were strange. It was something about distance. Was that it? Common people didn't put distance between themselves and others. They didn't try to stamp out empathy in their children, maybe. Or perhaps they taught them 'basic human decency' rather than order of precedence. It seemed a measure more useful than the complex politics of forks and knives.

He'd always tried to be a decent person. Maybe he was at a disadvantage. But some of the Blacks had been known to attempt it before. Even Reg managed it in the end.

"He wasn't a Nazi."

"It wouldn't say anything about you, even if he had been."

He didn't believe her. Or couldn't. That wasn't how people worked. She was just trying to calm him in his state of grief. No one was really… ...like that...that  _good._

"But he wasn't." Sirius stopped when he heard the desperation in his own voice. Who was he trying to convince? He took a breath and started again.

"He wasn't...He was resistance. He was… stupid. He thought he'd go down in a blaze of glory taking Herr Hitler down with him or something, but all he did was go down."

"So he was very brave and a bit rash in his decisions?" There was an inflection to her voice that made Sirius wonder if she was smiling at him. "Is that a family trait or just the three of you?"

"Three?"

"Your cousin just forced her way into a quarantine ward because she wanted to do right by you. I'd say that fits the description."

At that point, he'd have put money down that she was smiling at him. But he couldn't let himself focus on that.

"I guess it does." He mumbled, trying to regain control over his thoughts. He felt like he was losing his tenuous grip on sanity.

"You're very brave and very stubborn. You're going to be ok. You're going to get your sight back and go be a proper war hero, then come back home and probably be a right pain in some woman's arse. This month might not be ok, but  _you_  are going to be fine. I can tell."

He was able to get a hold on his rather embarrassing weeping, but he couldn't stop the sickening spinning feeling that hit him when he realized, and immediately corrected, his impulse to reach out and touch her.

This thing between the two of them… whatever it was… was only meant to be a fun way to pass the time. He hadn't meant to spill his guts to her. He needed to throw a wall up around himself. He had to. This wasn't how things were supposed to go.

"You're a psychic?" He dressed his voice in the casual teasing tone and hoped it would catch on. Maybe if he kept it up he would start to feel less… emotionally exposed.

"I'm a trained medical professional. And apparently, I'm also Hell's secretary, depending on who you ask. I don't need or have time for a third job of tricking gullible school children with fake fortunes, thank you very much."

The sound of her voice taking his cue in reverting to playful banter made it even more apparent that he couldn't backtrack. He still hadn't seen her face but he felt like she was staring right into his wide-open heart. There was no recovering from this.

_Bollocks. Bollocks. Bollocks._

He had lost the plot entirely.

"Marlene?"

"Yes?" Her voice went quiet.

"Thanks."


	9. Chapter 9

Marlene sat at the kitchen table, picking at the breakfast she and Mary had thrown together. What was the point of eating when her impending doom was so near? She hoped they’d make something up to tell her family. Embarrassment would be a rather pathetic cause of death.

 

“Marlene, eat, we need to leave soon.” Mary stood to clear her dish, but Marlene didn't budge.

 

“Marlene!” Mary walked up and poked her with her fork.

 

Marlene jumped and rubbed her arm where Mary had tried to skewer her.

 

“Shite, Mary that hurt!”

 

“What's gotten into you?” Mary took her fork back to the sink. “You've been acting especially strange, stranger than when you were panicking yesterday afternoon over Captain Black.”

 

Marlene pointedly ignored Mary by looking at the clock, then panicking slightly and forcing herself to shovel down her food in four enormous bites.

 

Marlene continued her silence all the way to Netley. If she'd had a bit more presence of mind, she would have noticed Mary reading her chart over her shoulder.

 

Mary started laughing.

 

“Oh my,” she smirked at her and Marlene wondered how this dreadful woman ever ended up as her best friend.

 

“I look forward to hearing about your day this evening, Sister.”

 

Fate had it out for her. Her best friend was most certainly some sort of summoned demon sent to torture her.

 

“Hey,” Mary stepped in front of her and gave her a real smile, the teasing gone for a moment.

 

“You can do this. He'll be gone in a few weeks and then you'll get a new ward assignment and things will be fine. Just be professional, and things will work out alright.”

 

Marlene hugged her wonderful, darling best friend. “Thanks, Mary.”

 

“Sunshine, love, sunshine.” Mary kissed her cheek and then walked into her first room.

 

Marlene pulled herself up to her full height and walked quickly up to the Quarantine Ward.

 

Sirius...Captain Black, was already awake, and Marlene wasn't sure if that made this better or worse.

 

“Good morning, Captain, today Dr. Dodge has ordered your weekly sponge bath. Would you rather do that before or after your breakfast?”

 

Marlene knew that Sirius couldn't see her, but she still refused to look at him and she cursed that her veil kept her from being able to hide behind her hair.

 

He cleared his throat, “Oh. Last week the night nurse attended to that.” His voice was almost casual, but Marlene absolutely refused to look at his face. She'd never been more grateful the man was temporarily blind in the whole two weeks he'd been in Quarantine.

 

“You slept most of that day, and Dr. Dodge instructed me to let you sleep and have the night nurse take care of it. Since you appear to be awake now I have no reason to postpone his instructions.” _Could this get any more embarrassing? Why, oh why did she have to be attracted to him?_

 

The silence was long, excruciatingly long. Marlene chanced a glance at him and the slight tilt of his smile made her wonder if he was trying not to laugh. It almost drove her to laugh and she looked away quickly.  
  
“Are you quite sure that I’m awake? I’m fairly certain I’ve had this dream before.”   
  
“Captain Black!” She snapped, hoping to maintain her already thin veneer of professionalism. “Just answer my question, before breakfast or after?”

 

“I...I suppose that we could go ahead and take care of the bathing before breakfast…”

 

Marlene glanced back at Sirius and while his manner was casual, there was a slight tinge to his cheeks. She wasn't sure if it helped knowing he was uncomfortable too, if anything it confused her, but seeing him blush brought a shy smile to her face.

 

“Very well then.” Marlene briefly considered if the consequences of defenestrating herself we're worth avoiding this situation. Probably not...

 

“Arabella, dear, would you please help me get the towels ready?”

 

“Of course, Sister Marlene,” Arabella stood and walked with her to the faucets, towels in hand. She gave Marlene a rather cheeky smile. Was it that obvious how much of a fool she was? It made sense that Mary saw through her, but Arabella? Marlene was pretty sure she’d just received her death certificate.

 

When the towels were damp but not dripping they walked them over to Sirius’ bed and set them on the table with the small bar of soap. When they had everything ready Arabella wheeled over the privacy screen.

 

Marlene braced herself, “Would you like help removing your shirt, Captain?”

 

“Sister Marlene, if I didn’t know better I’d think you were trying to get me naked.”   
  
“Captain Black, please...” she groaned, trying to convince herself that the suggestion didn’t sound shamefully appealing.

 

Sirius’ grin was maddening. “I’ll give it a go on my own first, shall I?”

 

“Alright then,” she stiffly nodded him on before realizing the pointlessness of the action.

 

He fumbled with the buttons, taking ages on each one, or maybe it just felt like ages because this whole process made Marlene want to scream with frustration and embarrassment.

 

Finally, he undid the last button and nothing could have prepared Marlene for the spectacle that she was faced with. She'd noticed his hair, his ridiculously amazing hair that was just slightly too long. Should she comb it today? Lord have mercy on her poor soul! His face had started to grow a bit of a beard. If he didn't have typhoid she would be required to offer to shave him, but Dr. Dodge didn't want to have any chances of the typhus spreading. And the beard and the hair were alluring on their own, tempting even, but seeing Captain Sirius Black without a shirt on was going to be the death of her, and having to touch him, well she was positive that the Fates enjoyed watching her suffer.

 

 _Be professional, be professional, be professional,_ if she just kept focusing on that command maybe it would force her to do just that.

 

“Well, then we'll step right to it.” Marlene wished she was the blind one.

 

If looking was torturous, touching was pure pain. How could anyone's chest feel like this? It was like touching a marble sculpture, a soft, very human, marble sculpture.

 

_Be professional, be professional, be professional._

 

She refused to look at his face, she couldn't. She could actually feel the blush on her cheeks, and Marlene had never been so grateful that he was blind in her life. She clenched her teeth as she moved the soaped towel around his chest and back, up and down his arms, she was going to die!

 

Marlene grabbed one of the smaller towels, “Hold out your hands, Sir, I'll give you a soaped towel to wash your face and head with.”

 

“I'm Sir now?” Sirius spoke and Marlene made the fatal mistake of looking up at him. He was smirking at her, he was smirking at her _topless_. There should be a law against that. Really truly, the House of Commons needed to make it so this man wasn't allowed to smirk while topless, specifically at her.

 

_Be professional, be professional, be professional._

 

“Yes you've been Sir since you became an Officer Cadet, and I've been Hell’s secretary since we first met.”

 

 _Yes, that was_ very _professional._

 

Marlene just stopped herself from pushing her palm into her forehead, instead placing the towel in his outstretched hands.

 

Sirius brought the towel to his face and scrubbed hard before moving to his hair. And then Marlene did something utterly and completely stupid.

 

“Would you like me to comb your hair, Captain?” Now why in the hell had she gone and asked that?

 

He seemed to consider it for a moment before shrugging, “I don't suppose it matters, it'll only get tangled again, and they'll really have quite a bit to cut when I'm well again. Not much point in keeping it tidy, is there?”

 

“However you like it, Captain. I'm only required to offer.” Marlene felt a small twinge of something that she absolutely refused to acknowledge as regret. And when Arabella coughed at her bluff Marlene chose not to acknowledge that either.

 

_Be professional, be professional, be professional._

 

She took back the towel and deposited it in the bag that Arabella would take down to laundry. Those maids probably wished Sirius well more than his family given the procedures needed to handle every towel and bedding and hospital uniform that came out of the Quarantine Ward.

 

“Do you feel well enough to stand unassisted?” Marlene decided she just needed to not look at him, that would solve things for the moment.

 

“I think I can manage,” his voice was just a bit off, but it carried that usually light tone with it, creating a sort of paradox. Marlene fought with every fiber in her being not to look up at his face.

 

“Good, here,” she placed his hand on the clean uniform and underclothes she put at the foot of his bed, “is your clean hospital uniform. I'll step behind the screen and you can remove your trousers and clean yourself and then put on your clean trousers. Just place the dirty things on the bed near your pillow, we'll change your bedding next. Call when you're ready for help with your shirt.”

 

“I can’t say I expected this degree of modesty in Hell.”

 

This was going to be a game for him. He would have already been declared victor if he’d not been working from a disadvantage of blindness. As terrifying as the increasingly flirtatious note in his voice felt, it was also a little… exciting? She’d have to keep a mental tally of the score.

 

“Well, I’m just the secretary and all. If you were dealing with the boss he’d probably take in the full view”

 

A part of Marlene kicked herself, so much for professionalism. But another part told her that she had _tried_ to maintain a rigid shield of Her Majesty's standards, it had simply faltered hard under Sirius Black’s teasing. He was one of those men that we're simply naturally disarming, and at the moment he was shirtless...

 

“Jealous?”

 

_Oh Bollocks_

 

She needed to keep the flustered feeling from creeping into her voice, thankfully Marlene had learned to think on her toes.

 

“Of the Devil? Not at all. It seems like too much responsibility.”

 

She smiled to herself, satisfied by her use of deflection.

 

“Yes, I have heard that about my own naked form before.”

 

His serve was good. She didn’t manage to hold in her laugh.

 

_One-Love_

 

“You’re terrible.”

 

She composed herself, then placed the soaped towel in his hand before standing and deliberately placing her back to the other side of the screen. She'd seen enough already thank you very much. And unfortunately, she had a very vivid imagination.

 

_You were supposed to be professional._

 

Somehow she’d missed that target entirely and instead was scoring his banter like it was tennis... and imagining him naked.

 

 _Well done Marlene. Your serve._ She admonished herself, fruitlessly.

 

“I'm on the other side of the screen. You’ll let me know when you’re ready for me.” She chose her words very carefully.

 

“I’m not the one who told you to leave in the first place. Besides, I don’t know if anyone could ever be ready for the formidable secretary of Hell.”

 

“Captain Black, I’m quite sure that I have no idea what you’re implying.”

 

It was an inexact boundary that they were dancing around. She probably already had Arabella good and scandalized, but she wondered how far Sirius might push the limit, given the opportunity.

 

“Just that I was having some trouble with the button to my trousers, but never mind I think I’ve got it. Alright, return at your own risk, Sister.” His voice was cocky and while the majority of Marlene wanted to strangle him for it, there was a very small part of her that wanted to continue hearing that tone, under slightly different circumstances.

 

_Be professional. Be professional! be professional?_

 

She could tell herself that all day and she still wouldn’t find it in herself to let him win. Marlene McKinnon was born lacking the will to let someone else get the last word.

 

“What exactly would I be risking, Captain? Bursting into flames upon beholding your true form?”

 

She moved the screen and found Sirius with his new uniform almost completely on, the shirt just needed buttoning. He cleared his throat in futile effort to cover up a laugh.

 

_One-All_

 

“If you get the top button done for me, I can manage the rest. Give me something to do while you and Miss Fig change the sheets and whatever else.” Marlene smiled at how he looked away from her as he spoke. She stepped to the left so she was in front of him before speaking.

 

“Hold your head up then, and I'll get you started. Then we'll move you to the chair.” She stepped forward and fumbled a bit with the button before getting it done up.

 

“The blind leading the blind today?” Sirius quipped.

 

“You forget that I'm required to wear rubber gloves when I'm in here. It's difficult to do anything with these on.” She pulled on his arm and he stood walking as her arms pushed him into the chair she and Arabella used to help him eat his meals.

 

“Are all the chairs here so uncomfortable?” Sirius readjusted in his seat, but his frown deepened as though it made it worse.

 

“Only here,” Marlene shrugged as Arabella helped her to pull the bedding of the cot and replace it. The look the woman gave her was one of amusement, and Marlene pointedly looked away.

 

“Everything in this room must be capable of being disinfected quickly and efficiently. The cots and bedding are the softest things here.”

 

“Is this the chair the two of you sit in?” His frown seemed to deepen again.

 

“Yes,” Marlene placed the new pillow down on the cot and turned to see that Sirius had been so caught up in the chair that he'd failed to do up his shirt buttons. “And if you'd step to it with those buttons then you'd be out of it by now.” She watched Arabella wheel the linens out of the room, she'd disinfectant at laundry and then return with Sirius' breakfast.

 

“When I dreamt this scenario, you were impatient with my _dis_ robing. You always manage to be a stick in the mud though, don’t you?” Marlene chose not to look at him, she'd been a participant in enough idiocy at this point.

 

“You should talk to Dr. Dodge about it if you’re having disruptive dreams. It could be a symptom.”

 

She found it easiest to deflect with intentionally obtuse remarks, but she was incapable of keeping the pinch of playfulness from her tone; it was probably because she knew very well what he’d meant to imply and there was no way he was going to talk to Dr. Dodge about _that_.

 

“A symptom of having you around all day every day? I think it might be. You’re quite charming... for a stick in the mud.”

 

“If you’re trying to butter me up so that I’ll give you a strong medication it won’t work.”

 

He finally finished buttoning his shirt before standing and attempting to return to his cot unassisted. He did rather well aside from banging his toe on the cot and swearing loudly. Marlene laughed and began disinfecting the chair, turning her face away from him out of instinct rather than practical need. She wondered if he knew how close he had her to giggling like an idiot school girl.

 

This giddiness wasn’t like her. She’d always considered herself too much of a realist and a deep thinker to start acting silly over a handsome officer. She was a grown woman, meant to be serving her king and country.

 

“Marlene, I know you’re smiling. I can tell.”

 

He was correct in this assessment. She had to give him that.

 

_Two-One_

 

“So you’ve regained your vision suddenly, or is it a case of spontaneous onset psychic powers?”

 

“I can hear it. You’re still smiling quite loudly. Keep doing so, I like the noise.”

 

She gave in and finally looked up at him. His smile made her chest do something akin to a cartwheel. “You’re smiling too, Sir.”

 

“I suppose I am…”

 

Arabella walked in with breakfast and Marlene took a moment to look at Sirius as she sat down to help him eat. Her stomach sank to the soles of her feet as she realized that they'd have to do this again next week, but a small piece of her heart seemed to soar.

 


	10. Chapter 10

In the entire history of doctors telling people that they _don’t_ have Typhus, Sirius Black may have been the first patient to react with disappointment at the news.

 

Outwardly, he thought he put on a decent show of gratitude and relief. But the visceral panic was undeniable when the doctor bid him goodnight and told him to rest well because tomorrow morning he’d be moved to the rehabilitation ward.

 

That would be it then. He’d never see Marlene McKinnon again.

 

He’d never seen her at all. It occurred to him that at some point it had ceased to matter. He’d have been happy to see her smile even if she looked like Queen Victoria in her later years.

 

Sirius pictured the famous image of the long-reigning monarch at her Diamond Jubilee and silently thanked every possible deity that he didn’t bear any resemblance to his great-great-grandmother before commencing with his nervous breakdown.

 

It… didn’t...matter?

 

What on earth did that even mean?

 

He’d only just come to terms with the fact he enjoyed the Sister’s company. He’d have flirted with anyone, sure, but she was a genuinely _good_ person. She was fun. She could match him barb for barb. He hadn’t intended for it to go further than that.

 

It turned completely pear-shaped when she had been so… bizarrely kind to him…especially about the horror show she’d witnessed as his whole ugly history unfolded before her.

 

He'd opened up to her in a way that he thought he’d never want to again after the Potter family. It had been excruciatingly painful to willingly explain it all to them. It hadn't been a breeze with Marlene either, but she'd made it...less awful. She knew who he really was under the layers of emotional armor. And now he’d have to say goodbye and that would be that.

 

_No._

 

Goodbye was simply unacceptable.

 

He didn’t have time to think. The door latch clicked within a minute. She would be leaving for the night momentarily. Reflexively he stood up from where he sat at the edge of his cot. He had no idea what he was doing. But he definitely had to do something. Now.

 

“I’ve heard that congratulations are in order, Sir.”

 

The sound of her voice hit him like a gust of wind on a miserable summer day. He felt more grounded and resolute, despite the disconcerting pain that had taken hold in his chest.

 

“Right. I’ve been assured that it’s safe for me to be in contact with people again. So...I’ll be moved to rehabilitation.”

 

Sirius Black was meant to be confident and self-assured. That was what he’d always tried to project whether he felt it or not. How had he ended up nervous as a schoolboy standing in front of a woman whose face he’d never seen?

 

“That’s what the doctor said, yes.”

 

He concentrated extraordinarily hard on locating where her voice was coming from. There was a moment so silent that he could hear the pounding of his own heart. It was the rustling of her clothes, no longer covered by rubber, that finally set her location in front of him.  
  
He reached out to her. His hand made gentle contact with the side of her face and everything felt right. When he closed the space between them and his lips met hers, he didn’t think about his sight. There was only Marlene for that moment.

 

When she broke away from the kiss she didn’t put distance between them. She leaned her forehead into his and he held her close as the words he meant to say spilled out.

 

“I don’t want this to be goodbye.”

 

“That’s good because I’ll be there tomorrow at the Rehabilitation ward. Dr. Dodge told me I’m being transferred with you. Something about ease of transition?”

 

Sirius could feel her smiling. The sentiment was contagious. He was the first to start laughing, Marlene quickly joining in. He slid his hands down to her waist, relishing the feeling of her under his hands. He tried to memorize her with his fingers, her curves, her body moving with her breathing, the sound of her breath catching as he touched her, all of it. He was going to memorize exactly what she was, he'd spent too long wondering. He was almost glad that he had mistakenly believed they’d be on separate wards tomorrow. Apparently, it was the push he needed. He didn’t want to miss out on another minute that could be spent like this.

 

“So that was all very dramatic and unnecessary?” He knew he was grinning like a madman, but he couldn't help it.

 

She was silent for a moment too long and he wondered what she was thinking. Then he felt delicate fingers brushing his cheek. Fingers that lacked the protective rubber gloves; fingers that were soft, caressing; fingers that made his heart shake in his chest as they skimmed his scruffy face. His lips brushed against hers for just a fraction of a second. He was so thoroughly gone for her. He could worry about life’s complications tomorrow. For now, he was over-full with exhilaration.

 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Captain.”

 

She had eased out of their embrace and the sound of her steps was getting further towards the door before he managed to correct her.

 

“You should probably settle in on referring to me as Sirius now.”

 

He thought he heard her mutter “3-1, match set”

 

He didn’t need vision to know she’d been smiling as she turned heel and left without another word. Her smile had been his favorite noise for some time now.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Saturday is booked so you all get an early update! Hooray!
> 
> Also, Enthusiastic Sloth and I have decided that we're doing four chapters a week for this week and next and then five chapters for the last week. We have another story we just finished that we'll post after this one is done, and we have one we've just started working on when that new one is done being posted. :D We hope you're excited because we are having SO much FUN!

 

"There's the sunshine," Mary smiled at her as Marlene walked up at the day's end. "Has your Captain died?"

Marlene laughed and linked arms with her friend, "The opposite! He's tested typhus free! I'll be moving him to the Rehabilitation Ward tomorrow!" Not even the awful skull alley at the hospital entrance could dampen this feeling she had.

Mary hugged her tight as they stepped out onto the pavement. "That's wonderful news! Does he have his sight back as well?"

Marlene shook her head as they practically skipped home. "He still can't see, hence the Rehabilitation Ward. He'll remain there until his sight returns or the doctors determine it won't."

"So," Mary turned to her with excitement, "What's your new Ward assignment?"

"Rehabilitation Ward, Dr. Dodge thinks it will help his sight return if I move with him." Marlene smiled up at the sun, still high in the lovely end of May sky. "I'll be taking half the Ward, Sister Hestia was relieved actually. She told me that eight rooms had been nearly impossible to handle on her own because instead of putting all the patients in one room, they've been spreading them out, so she has six patients and they each have their own room at the moment."

"Wait," Mary stopped them, "You're moving to the Rehabilitation Ward as well?"

"Weren't you listening?" Marlene laughed and pulled Mary forward, "Yes. Dr. Dodge is hoping that keeping his same nurse will help to keep him relaxed and increase the chances of his sight returning."

"And … and you're happy…?" Mary looked at her like she'd grown two heads.

"Of course!" Marlene held back on her desire to run and laugh the rest of the way home. "How was your day?"

"Splendid," Mary continued to look at her like she'd gone mad as they finished their walk home.

Marlene pushed open the door to their flat and set about opening the curtains and the windows, letting the stuffy air from the day out. Marlene switched on the radio and danced as Glen Miller's In the Mood began playing part way through. She pulled her hair free of her veil and laughed as she shook her loose curls out.

"What has gotten into you?!" Mary demanded as Marlene spun around their little flat.

"I'm just happy!" Marlene laughed.

"Marly!" Mary caught her midspin, just as the horns cut out and the song ended. "What aren't you telling me?"

And as the music stopped, Marlene suddenly realized the implications of what had happened. The elation was suddenly mixed with a sense of panic, and her face fell.

"Shite," she breathed and fell into the couch. "Shite, shite, shite, shite!"

Mary sat down next to her with a huff. "I'm still in the dark, love."

"He kissed me."

Mary was silent, and Marlene didn't bother to look over at her because saying it out loud had brought the smile back to her lips. It had brought that feeling in her chest back, had made her think about how he'd touched her, how his skin had felt under her bare hand, how his breath had wafted down her neck.

Marry snapped her fingers in front of her face, "Marlene!"

"Sorry," Marlene jumped and looked over at her.

"I said, did you kiss him back?" Mary's tone had a concerned edge to it, but she smiled at Marlene encouragingly.

Marlene nodded, the excitement starting to push the anxiety away.

"Well," Mary chuckled, "At least you know he isn't in it for just your pretty face."

Marlene dissolved into a fit of giggles. It only took a moment before Mary was laughing too.

When they'd regained control of themselves, they set about making dinner.

"What are you going to do?" Mary asked as she pulled the bread from the cupboard.

Marlene sighed as she put the kettle on. "He'll have his own room. If he decides to kiss me again it's not like it'll be in front of every patient in Rehabilitation."

"Marls," Mary groaned, "That isn't what I meant and you know it!"

Marlene busied herself with getting the dishes down. Mary grabbed a fork and threatened to skewer her again.

"Fine!" Marlene snatched the fork away. "I don't know Mary. I don't know what happens from here. I don't know. And I'm scared to know honestly. Because if he recovers his sight he'll be sent back to Europe, and if doesn't he'll go back to wherever he lives in England and that will be that."

"You could always write each other if he regains his sight." Mary squeezed her arm and smiled.

Marlene sighed and shook her head as she pulled the kettle off the stove.

"Just talk to him about it in the morning. I'm sure he isn't sure either and you'll need to be on the same page in any case." Mary took her tea and smirked as she brought it to her lips. "Enough sad stuff, I'm dying to know, is he a good kisser?"

Marlene pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and giggled.

* * *

 

Marlene stepped quietly into the Quarantine Ward for what she hoped would be the last time. And she had never been more grateful not to see Arabella in her entire life.

"Ready to be free, Sirius?" She walked quietly towards his bed at the far side of the room and smiled at the way his face lit up at her voice.

"Well, seeing as you're coming with me I don't know if I can consider this all that liberating." He teased, but he'd moved to sitting.

Marlene grabbed the wheelchair near the door and pushed it over to his bed.

"Alright, since Sister Emmeline took care of getting everything ready last night, all you have to do now is get in this wheelchair and I'll wheel you to Rehabilitation." She placed a hand on his arm and he immediately grabbed her hand and gave it a tug.

"Sirius," she started to protest, but even she could hear the lack of determination in her voice.

"Marlene," he smirked up at her and pulled again.

She looked back at the door and then sighed and let him pull her down to sit on the bed.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" His hand ran up her arm, following it to her neck and then her face, stopping to caress her cheek.

Marlene brought her hand up to cup his and tried to breathe through the heart palpitations he was giving her.

"Everything about you is difficult, Sirius," Marlene whispered.

"Everything?" he brought his lips towards her and she met him halfway.

Kissing Sirius was different than anyone else, and she had kissed her fair share of men. Kissing Sirius made her spine tingle and body melt. Kissing Sirius made her mind stop working. Kissing Sirius made her never want to stop.

"Especially everything," she whispered when he pulled back.

The distance seemed to give her some clarity and she remembered that not only did she need to move him to Rehabilitation; she had two new patients to check in on as well.

"Let's step to it," she stood before he could pull her back. "I have two new patients to check on as well."

"Ah, I no longer have a big room to myself?" He chuckled as he reached out until finding the wheelchair and standing, guiding himself into the chair.

"Oh you still do, I have four rooms now and three patients. Technically one of the three of you could have two rooms." She started to push the wheelchair out into the corridor.

"I could send for my family's vast art collection to store in there? It would be terribly ironic and all."

"You're such a posh wanker. Vast art collection." She drew out the vowel in 'vast' and tried to imitate the plummy sounding accent that posh people spoke with.

He shrugged his shoulders in what looked like concession.

"I was born Prince Posh Wanker, I'll have you know. If not for a well-timed coup d'état you might have had to call me your royal highness."

Marlene scoffed. His teasing was really ridiculous today, and she decided it was probably the same euphoria she'd been feeling since yesterday.

"You've got to be kidding me…"

"I wish I were." His sigh was full of contempt and Marlene second-guessed her initial assumption.

Then she smiled.

"Yeah, it must be a right embarrassment to have to tell people that you were christened 'Posh Wanker'. No wonder your brother didn't want to name his child for you."

Marlene thought she saw one of the maids look over her shoulder at her at her as she wheeled Sirius down the last stretch of the corridor before they arrived at his room. She might have been worried about what the girl was so curious about, but she'd been caught up in laughing with Sirius. She hadn't laughed like this since she was a child. He seemed to bring that out in her. She was too busy soaking it all in that she didn't have it in her to care what the maids might gossip about.

The second they were behind a closed door the air between them shifted.

"Marlene…" he reached back and grabbed her hand as she wheeled him to his new cot.

"Sirius I would tell you to stop looking at me like that but it occurs to me that you aren't actually looking at me," she smirked as he turned his head to face her. "So whatever it is that you're doing, stop it."

"How am I to stop if I don't know what it is that I'm doing?" He stood up from his wheelchair and moved far too close to her for polite company. He reached out for her face but she stopped his hand with hers before he could distract her any more than he already had.

"I'm still working, Sirius." Her voice was soft and her heart fell with his face.

"I'm not too keen on sharing you." His tone had a touch of bitterness in it.

"I'll still be around," she chuckled, "remember, you won't be rid of me so easily."

"Hell has its perks," he smiled and his laughter made her heart sing.

Marlene got Sirius settled in before meeting up with Sister Hestia to hand off Privates Dearborn and Podmore. When that was finished she wandered back to Sirius's room.

"Can't stay away can you?" He taunted.

"The Devil has a habit of torturing people," she chuckled, gliding over to sit in the chair next to his bed, back facing the door.

"If this is torture, chain me to the wall." He winked at her and the notion of a blind man winking was too much for Marlene and she burst out laughing.

She calmed and tentatively took Sirius' hand in hers. "Sirius," she bit her lip. "Sirius I, I wanted to know what, what your intentions are, with you and me."

He opened his mouth to answer but Arabella came running in.

"Sister Marlene! Come quick! There's a battleship worth of casualties being unloaded at our dock as we speak!" Arabella panted, holding onto the door frame.

Marlene squeezed Sirius' hand once before releasing it and bolting for her Matron's office and her instructions.


	12. Chapter 12

49 and a half hours. He'd asked after the time quite incessantly since the first ship had arrived.

The evacuation of allied troops from the beaches at Dunkirk, or Operation Dynamo as it was called, was winding to a close, but the battle Sirius fought in his own mind raged on.

He could count on his fingers the number of people left on earth who he really cared for. Life had shown him that it was better to keep the number of people who can really hurt you as small as possible. He'd been a friendless child when he first made the acquaintance of James Potter, the son of a wealthy Indian Baronet. James Potter became a brother to him. It was James's strong grip that he reached for when he felt like the world was spinning and he might fall off. But that grounding was uncertain now, and there was no hiding from it. He did not currently know if James Potter was alive or dead.

The evacuation was reported to be more successful than anticipated, yet nothing in the sterile sounding BBC news caster's voice brought Sirius any comfort. They'd tasked the poor sod with reading off a speech from Prime Minister Winston Churchill, without the benefit of being Winston bloody Churchill. Even the ever-so- _French_ Frenchman in the room seemed disappointed. The words spoken were beautifully composed, but this anonymous news caster was uncompelling in the delivery. At least he sounded crisp and clear in reading off a section calling the evacuation a miracle of deliverance. But Sirius felt no such deliverance as he waited for word on James.

The door latch clicked at mid-morning. He looked up out of habit despite the fact he still couldn't see anything beyond bright light and darkness. He'd been told to consider that a good sign.

He had a theory that he could recognize the sound of Marlene's footsteps in contrast to anyone else who had reason to come into the hospital room, which he now had to share with three wounded Frenchmen. He second guessed himself for a moment, when he realized that there were two other sets behind the first, before his theory was confirmed. The sound of Marlene's voice alone had the power to reach out and pull at Sirius's heart. But the words she uttered were pure deliverance.

"You have some visitors, Captain Black. I thought you'd forgive me for letting the Potters in without asking first."

The feeling of overwhelming relief started at the top of his head and flowed down through his heart and lungs to his whole body.

He bolted up onto his feet and threw his arms out in what was probably a ridiculous looking display. It was nonetheless efficient because he felt his brother's tight embrace in a split second.

"James" he whispered fiercely, clinging to him for fear that he'd vanish under his fingertips.

"It's ok Pads. I took your advice and tried not to die." James's smile was evident in his voice, but he clung to Sirius with the same fierceness.

"I suppose it was good advice." Sirius laughed, he laughed from relief of the weight that had sat on his shoulders since Miss Figg had pulled Marlene away that afternoon. He laughed because James was here, safe, and whole.

"There's a first time for everything." Lily's voice chimed in like bells.

"I like this woman. But I'll leave you to your visitors now, Captain Black."

She often insisted on maintaining the ridiculous pretense of a purely professional relationship, but at times she faltered. Those times were rare since she'd been inundated with patients. She sounded tired. He wanted to reach out and comfort her, but she was probably right that she didn't need the distraction. He could wait. She was worth it.

"You don't have to Captain Black me for their sake, Marlene. I want you to meet my dearest friends. Potters, this is Sister Marlene McKinnon. She's been taking care of me all this time."

If it has been entirely up to him he would have made the introduction crystal clear about who she was to him. But he knew she'd not thank him for making a spectacle in front of the very inconvenient Frenchmen.

"It's lovely to meet you, Captain Potter. Mrs. Potter. I hope that you've found my penmanship to be adequate."

James laughed. "You've no idea how strange it's been to read this nutter's prose in your refined penmanship."

"I'm sure," Marlene commented and Sirius knew she was smiling. "Really, I'm going to be off now. You three have a nice visit. I'll be back by later this afternoon to check up on you, Captain Black."

He groaned at her formal address, but her footsteps didn't stall on her way out of the door.

The throat clearing that Lily did as soon as the door clicked shut sounded suspiciously like some sort of commentary. He just smiled and let it go for now.

It occurred to him that Lily Potter must've been quiet round in the late days of her pregnancy. He put together a mental image of the Potters here smiling, and very much alive. He couldn't have stopped smiling if you'd paid him.

"Lily I would say it's good to see you, but…"

"I knew you'd make a blind joke within 10 minutes. James my darling, you owe me a strawberry milkshake."

"You bet against me, Prongs?" Sirius put on a mock-scandalized tone.

"I knew I'd lose. I just wanted to take this lovely woman for a milkshake. I think I may fancy her a bit."

"You two have gotten even more nauseating. Stop it. Your sappiness will get all over my hospital room. This is meant to be a place of healing!"

It had been a long held tradition of theirs for Sirius to take the mickey out of James for being a sap over Lily. It was still quite true. But he came a measure closer to understanding his friend's perspective, recently.

He must have given away something in the smile that tended to accompany thoughts of Marlene.

"You look like you know something that we don't."

"Right um. Errr… it's nothing that can't wait. I want to hear about you. Any grand heroic deeds at the beaches?"

"I don't know about grand heroic deeds but there was this bloke with a damned broadsword and a set of bagpipes."

"Someone went into battle armed with Bagpipes?" Sirius laughed at the mental image he built. He'd become rather good at building mental images over the last four weeks.

"You say that as if they aren't torturous." James groaned and Lily giggled. "But he also had a longbow I believe."

"Ah yes. Of course. As ya do."

"As ya do, if you're that particular nutter. You know I heard a rumor he's not even a Scotsman? But I heard it from one of the French I brought with me today so I'm not sure if he's the authority."

"You brought  _more_  Frenchmen? It's becoming an infestation."

"They can hear you, you know." Lily chided.

"Tragic. I suppose I'll have to tell you all my secrets when the room smells less like cheese."

He could picture James and Lily's faces perfectly in that moment. This was his family, after all. He could hear their facial expressions loud and clear.


	13. Chapter 13

Marlene was exhausted. The soldiers just kept streaming in and the ones who were well had been immediately put to work erecting a massive tent hospital on the green behind Netley. She had been given charge over all eight rooms of Rehabilitation and Sister Hestia had been moved to one of the new tent wards. They didn't have enough nurses, even with all the Sisters that came in from the evacuation, or doctors for that matter. The evacuation had been too sudden to call in reserves in time and while the reserves were coming in by the day, it felt like a slow trickle compared to the number of casualties they were trying to handle. Hours were extended for everyone until they could catch up. At least they'd been able to assemble the women of Southampton, because every room had a maid now as opposed to every ward.

Marlene looked forward to the few moments she could spend in Sirius' room. She'd put most of the French patients in there on purpose, made it easier to speak without being overheard when it was spoken in hushed tones and a language only she and Sirius understood. She never had long to spend with him, but his room was always her first and last stop of every day, and the one she stepped into more than the others. Arabella ended up in Sirius' room mostly because the woman had a better grasp on French than Marlene or any of the other seven maids she'd been assigned.

She stepped in to the room after lunch, and walked up to squeeze Sirius' hand. But before she could make it two steps, one of the six French soldiers near the window groaned. He was one of the last that came in and had ended up being hit in the mouth during the evacuation. He'd lost a few teeth and was really only there because the blow had been bad enough that he had a concussion. She looked over and her heart gave out.

He was white as a sheet.

"Arabella!" Marlene sprinted over to the soldier's bedside.

"Sister Marlene, what do you need?" Arabella appeared at her side, her face panicked.

"Talk to him! I need him to wake up!" His pulse was fading and his hands were tinged blue.

_Shite, shite, shite, shite, shite!_

"What do I say?" Arabella whimpered.

"Ask about the fucking weather, Arabella! I don't give a damn what you say but use the French that got you placed in this room and talk to the man!"

Arabella began speaking in French, her words stuttered and halted.

The soldier groaned again and opened his mouth. Marlene saw blood.

_Shite! Shite! Shite! Shite! Shite!_

He was still bleeding.

"Run to the Chemists and tell them Dr. Flammel ordered a vile of snake venom and you're there to pick it up!" Marlene turned to Arabella who was still stuttering along in French.

"But, but he didn't," she began but Marlene cut her off.

"Did I stutter? That was an order, Miss Figg!"

Arabella ran.

Marlene jumped up and ran into her next room. "Dorcas, I need Dr. Flammel now!"

Dorcas jumped up and ran. That girl was young, but Marlene loved her; she needed to be a nurse. If things ever slowed down Marlene would remember to tell her that.

She ran back into the room and prayed they weren't too late. She'd not lost a patient yet and she didn't want it to start today. This was war, but she didn't need to have her first death come while in Rehabilitation. This was the Ward that men went home from, not the one they died in.

His face seemed to grow whiter as Marlene slipped on her gloves and started placing gauze where his teeth had been knocked loose. It didn't take long for the gauze to be soaked through with blood.

After what felt like an eternity, Arabella came running in with a vile and syringe.

Marlene snatched them from her with a grateful smile. "Hold his mouth open."

She pulled the liquid into the syringe and injected it into his gums, praying she'd found a vein. The soldier yelled in pain but he'd lost enough blood that the two women could hold him down at that moment. Marlene was vaguely aware of the French soldiers watching anxiously. She pulled out the sewing kit, her blood covered gloves smearing red everywhere. She set about trying to sew the holes in his mouth closed, but even in his weakened state the soldier writhed in pain and kept biting down.

Marlene swore, and just as she was about to send Arabella for an anesthetic, several strong arms were suddenly around her, holding the poor soldier down and his mouth open. Marlene looked up to see his countrymen nodding her on with grave faces. Marlene made quick work to sew up his gums and then began placing gauze back against them. Finally she fell back into her chair and nodded at the French soldiers to release the poor man.

That was when Dr. Flammel came walking in, Dorcas practically pushing him. Marlene loved that girl!

"What seems to be the problem, Sister Marlene?" He surveyed what Marlene was sure looked like chaos before coming to grab the soldier's wrist.

"I believe we have a young man with a bleeding disorder of some sort. He lost three teeth in the evacuation, and has been bleeding into his mouth since then. I injected snake venom and sewed up the wounds, but he should probably be moved to the Hematology Ward and your care. He might need a blood transfusion at this point but I'm not sure." Marlene knew she should start cleaning everything up, but she really just wanted to scream or cry or run or anything to let this adrenaline out.

"How did you get snake venom?" Dr. Flammel looked up at her his blue eyes holding hers.

"The Chemists believe you ordered it," she shrugged, watching Arabella slowly back away. "And I accept full responsibility for the lie." If Marlene was honest, in that moment she might have thanked Dr. Flammel if he told her he was going to have her fired.

But Dr. Flammel smiled kindly at her, "The only responsibility you'll be taking is the credit for saving this soldier's life. I'm going to have the orderlies move him down to my end of the hospital right away. I'll let Dr. Kingsley know and we'll get the paperwork filled for it." He stood to leave, patting Marlene on the shoulder.

"Dr. Flammel," Marlene turned. "Would you send a translator as well? His countrymen held him down so I could sew him up. I'm sure they'd like to know everything looks as though it will be alright now."

Dr. Flammel chuckled. "You represent the best in the QAIMNS, Sister Marlene. Of course, I'll send a translator as well."

Dorcas immediately began cleaning up as the door shut which made Arabella realize that this was her ward room and to get to work. Marlene admired them, because she couldn't even bother to remove her blood covered gloves. Dorcas didn't seem to mind and she simply removed the gloves for her.

The orderlies arrived with the translator and Marlene tiredly answered the soldiers questions and thanked them for helping her, told them that they probably helped to save their friend's life, and that now that the doctors knew what was going on he'd probably be alright. She left out the concern about a blood transfusion, these men had enough to worry about.

Dorcas returned to her room and Arabella took the linens away and Marlene finally turned to the person she'd come to see at the beginning, before someone  _dared_  try to die on her watch.

She didn't care that five French soldiers were watching her. She didn't care that it was unprofessional. She didn't care that it was wildly inappropriate. She didn't care that anyone could walk in. Marlene crossed the room and sat on Sirius' bed. His arms found her and she fell into him and silently sobbed.

"You did beautifully," he whispered as Marlene's tears fell.

She clung to him, and for the first time Marlene wished he could see. She wished he could see her, right now. She wanted him to look into her eyes and know that she was gone for him, that she was never going to be able to think about anyone the same as she thought of him, that she cursed this war and thanked it because it brought him to her but would strip him away just as quickly. She wanted him to know that she was living for their stolen moments, and she was scared to death for the day they'd be gone. And when they were gone she wanted him to be happy, to be with his dearest friends, to maybe remember her with a smile. Because he'd ruined her, and her heart ached for it. Her heart ached for all the could have been's, for all the things her heart wished for with him but could never get. Her heart ached for all the answers she'd never have to all the questions she hadn't thought of yet. And she couldn't bear to call this feeling love because if it was love then she had never really loved before, and she was sure she would never really love again.

She had no idea how long she clung to him, but the tears finally ran their course and Marlene calmed, wiping her eyes with her handkerchief.

"Thank you," she whispered and her heart near burst at the smile he gave her.

"Not like I've anything better to do," he smirked at her and she laughed quietly.

"It's not your job to comfort a crying nurse."

"Hey," Sirius pulled her back into him, kissing her head. "You're a Sister, remember."

Marlene clung to him willing the shelter of his arms to make things right. Wondering if he felt for her the way she did for him. Wondering if maybe, in a different world, this could have been home.


	14. Chapter 14

Some people might have found it hard to believe that Sirius Black had ever been personally acquainted with the concept of human emotion. It was by design, really. He'd protected himself by a front of carelessness and rebellion. It worked. He was safe behind his mask. But that didn't mean it was who he really wanted to be.

The gift of clarity about who he really wanted to be came packaged in a frankly atrocious giftwrap of war and blindness. But he knew, he wanted to be the person who everyone important seemed to believe he already was. It was a strangely freeing realization to have as Marlene clung to him sobbing after committing an act of valor that Sirius would probably still be in awe of if he lived to be 100. If he could be the man Marlene went to for comfort, the brother who James had come back to alive, and the cousin who Andromeda burst into a quarantine ward for, but for another 76 years or so, he would have succeeded in everything he ever really wanted.

He turned his head slightly towards the little spitfire in his arms. He'd never thought he'd kiss the top of a war hero's head, but he lucked into the opportunity. He felt an errant curl that must have escaped from her veil, tickle his nose. He hadn't known that he was capable of loving someone so completely. He must've lucked into that as well. The smile that took hold on his face felt poorly timed but he couldn't stop thinking about how damned  _lucky_ he was. He didn't even care if he never regained his sight. He'd still be lucky to be the blind wanker who got to love Marlene McKinnon.

"Marlene… I've never seen anything like what you did. I mean… I still haven't, but…" He smirked at his own joke

"Really? A blindness pun? Now?" He could hear the beginnings of a smile. How was it possible to know someone is radiantly beautiful without the benefit of sight? He didn't even understand it himself but he  _knew_.

"You know me well enough by now to know there is no bad time for a blindness pun. And I know you well enough to know that you're bloody incredible. I don't think I have the words for this…" He pulled her closer, that seemed to be all he could do. He wanted desperately to put his lips to hers. To show her how impressed he really was, how he really felt about her, but he knew she wouldn't thank him for making more of a spectacle than they already were as he held her on his cot.

"So, you're so impressed that you just had to make a pun?" Ah, she was laughing now. That was good; she needed more laughter, specifically laughter caused by his awfully good puns.

"I guess that's one way to interpret that. Yes. I hope you like puns because I'm never going to stop being impressed with you."

It occurred to Sirius, that not since the Napoleonic Wars had there been a Frenchman on British soil as unwelcome as the five present in the room at that moment. He sighed in resignation. Someday he'd get the opportunity to kiss the skin on her neck and run his hands over her soft curves and…

"It's not their fault, Sirius." She sighed and pulled her head from his shoulder. "Besides, it's time for me to go back to work."

"Was I thinking that loudly?"

"Yes." She ran a hand along his very scruffy face. He hoped she wasn't terribly fond of his beard; they'd make him shave it off once he could see. "Subtlety is not your strong suit, Captain Black."

She was right. He was very conspicuously arse over elbow in love. But there were worse things to be. It was nearly painful to feel her pull away from him.

"I'll miss you." tumbled out of his mouth before he could think the comment through. But it was true, and she may as well hear him say it.

"Not like I'll miss you." There was a sadness to her voice. He wasn't sure what it meant or if she was just exhausted to the bone. She squeezed his hand one last time and then she was gone.

The day still felt like half a dream. He hadn't been paying close mind to who came and went since Marlene had left. So he was somewhat taken aback when a small childish voice called out for his attention.

"Cousin Sirius! Mummy says you look like a vagrant. But I think you look rather happier than a vagrant."

"Thank you for that, Cousin Dora." Sirius laughed as the little girl threw herself across him in a rather dramatic hug. "Did you bring your mummy with you or wander up here by yourself?"

"Well I must say it's easier getting in now. They may have tried to offer me a job? I couldn't quite make out what the man was saying. He was excessively Northern, you know. He may have been asking for gardening advice? It's hard to say. Anyhow, he seemed glad that I was here." He heard Andromeda take a seat in the chair near his cot. He wondered if that chair was more comfortable than the one in the last room he was in. Not that Marlene bothered to sit in this new chair when she came to see him.

"I'm glad you're here too, Dromsy. But who on earth would look at  _you_  and ask for gardening advice?"

"I could garden if I wanted." Sirius could perfectly picture Droms pulling herself erect and her looking down his nose at him. He loved making her do that. "I've walked in many a garden in my day. The gardens here are lovely, actually. Do you fancy a walk in them?"

"If you lead me round like a seeing eye dog that sounds brilliant." He envied the patients that could walk about the gardens. The night nurse had had a moment to walk him around the hospital once because most of the patients were asleep, but Marlene was still running faster than a road runner, and it wasn't really worth walking around without her.

"I can be a seeing eye dog Cousin Sirius!" Dora's chirpy little voice, and her enthusiasm about a rather unglamorous sounding task, amused Sirius greatly. She was a good kid. When he stood up he felt her tiny hand take hold of his and start pulling. He followed his seeing-eye cousin happily, and heard the click of Andromeda's beside him.

He was immediately struck by the change in air quality when they made their way out of the doors. Five weeks had been enough for him to become  _almost_ used to the smell. The French certainly didn't help matters in that department.

The area where his cousin lead him smelled intensely refreshing. It was also very bright out here and he could… see that? Huh. He could see that.

He'd been able to tell light from dark for a decent stretch of time but this seemed different. It wasn't really like seeing, but there were different colors? Holy shite he could see colors!

"Droms! I can see colors!" He spun to where he thought she was, pulling poor Dora with him.

"What's that now?"

"Colors! I can see that there's grass! And sky! And you're a lovely brownish amorphous blob."

He was practically jumping out of his skin with excitement. He was still unable to see the shape of his own hand in front of his face but this was a massive improvement.

"What color am I Cousin Sirius?" Dora pulled on his hand.

"A beautiful little blob of brown!"

He ruffled little Dora's hair and then threw his arms around Dromsy's shoulders. She wasn't much of a hugger. The family's enforcement of stoicism had stuck to her more than it managed with him. But he liked to think she was at least smiling while she stood rigidly and let herself be hugged.

"I'm glad for you Coz, and I love you, but you just called me an amorphous blob and now you're squeezing me. Please stop?"

He let her loose from his embrace and chuckled. She was exactly what happened when someone is exactly the person they were taught to be, except that they're kind and loving on top of that. She was a proper lady through and through but it hadn't stopped her from marrying Dora's commoner father. He wondered what Ted thought of Dromsy's investment in the importance of fork placement.

That made him think of another matter.

"Droms do you have Grandmother Irma's jewelry? Uncle Alfie kept it. I hadn't thought of it until now, but I do hope my mother didn't get her hands on it."

"You have sudden interest in wearing our late gran's brooches, Baby Coz?"

He could  _hear_ her eyebrows rising. It was there in her voice. She had a suspicion, and it wasn't that he'd taken to wearing ladies jewelry. Sirius answered back without missing a beat.

"No, I was thinking of the tiara."

Dora's giggle came exactly on cue. "You'll be positively lovely Cousin Sirius."

"Thank you, Dora. You're such a kind seeing eye dog."

"To answer your question," she cleared her throat, "I don't have it myself but I can make some inquiries if you'd like."

"Thank you Dromsy. You're a gem."

"Yes yes, I know. I'm like the big one in the center of grandmother's tiara."

Was it possible to hear an eye roll? Andromeda Tonks either had a very loud face, or her face was the easiest to hear because he'd grown up with her eyerolls and her smiles that she thought she was hiding.

"You're the one at the center of the queen mums. Honking huge diamond that you can pry from her cold dead hands. That's you to me." He inflicted his cousin with another tight hug and knew that the sigh he heard was hiding a smile.


	15. Chapter 15

It had been quiet at home since the evacuating. David had been injured in the evacuation, both legs broken and shrapnel in his back. Marlene could still hear Mary's scream as he was carried into the hospital on a stretcher that first day. She now slept sitting in a chair next to David's cot, though the Sister over the night shift of the Orthopedic Ward told Marlene she usually ended up half in the chair and half on David's cot. Starting that first day Marlene brought Mary everything she needed to more or less live next to David's cot.  
  
Marlene showed up a half hour before her shift every day. She'd bring a clean uniform for Mary. She prepacked breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She'd sit outside the patient showers to make sure Mary had her privacy. She stayed after her shift for as long as Mary needed her to be there to talk and reassure her that it was going to be ok. Then she'd go home, do the laundry, do the dishes from the day before, make Mary's meals for the next day, eat the easiest and fastest thing she could before falling into bed and passing out cold. It had become mechanical because if she took a moment to really think it through, everything she was doing, Marlene was pretty sure she would break down. So she went on autopilot.  
  
She even forgot to read her parents' letter that arrived a few days after the casualties stopped coming in.    
  
When she woke up Marlene decided that reading it while Mary showered was the best option. And so she found herself leaning up against the wall trying to breathe as her Mother's script told her the Germans were flying bombers over her corner of London. They were bombing military targets nearby, but they made a point of flying over London. Her mother doubted it was more than just a scare tactic, but Marlene shuddered thinking about it. She wouldn't put it past the Nazis to bomb civilians. They'd already done it once   
  
Mary walked out looking exhausted and smiled tiredly at Marlene as she folded her uniform from the day before. "You're always the sunshine, love."   
  
Marlene nodded and hugged her, "We'll be alright."  
  
Mary took a deep breath, "David is being given an honorable discharge, Marls. He won't be able to walk right after this. Once he can travel were going back to his family home in Scotland. We're moving my family up there too, the bombers flying over London are giving Mum panic attacks."  
  
Marlene felt her throat close up and her stomach drop. "Right, I'm glad you'll be safe."  
  
Autopilot.  
  
Mary looked like she'd cry, "It's not goodbye, Marly. Our door will always be open, and I'll write you! I'll write to you every week!"  
  
Marlene pulled Mary close, "You're pure gold, Mary."   
  
"I'll see you this evening?" Mary pulled back to look at her.  
  
Marlene nodded and watched Mary walk back to the room David was in. She pulled her mother's letter out of her pocket and looked down at it for a moment before placing it back and slowly walking up to her Ward.   
  
Sunshine. There was no sunshine anymore. Marlene had none left.   
  
Her best friend was going to be leaving as soon as her husband could be moved.  
  
Her parents and sister were now in the flight path German bombers, which as far as she was concerned was just as much a danger as her brother was in - with British ships being targeted almost daily - and as her mother put it, "If the King is not abandoning London, neither shall we."  
  
It was a terrifying thought, having her family wiped out.   
  
Breathe, Mar.  
  
She pushed open the door to Sirius' room and looked over as his face lit up. He always seemed to know it was her. But seeing Sirius and knowing that she would most certainly lose him combined with the news that she could lose her family as well, that her best friend was leaving, and her exhaustion from days of running herself ragged, she felt her world start to collapse.   
  
"Good morning, Marlene," Sirius' voice seemed to pull her in. Her feet moved out of habit her body sitting on the bed, her hand grabbing his. But her mind was screaming, her chest was collapsing, she was sure that the world was closing in on her, and finally, the weight was too much and she fell into him.  
  
She must have been crying because she felt tears on her face, but she couldn't focus on anything other than how she couldn't breathe. Was the room spinning? She was pretty sure the room was spinning. She felt dizzy and nauseated and lightheaded and she was positive she was going to pass out.   
  
But then, something was pulling her back from the brink, a voice. A voice that kept saying her name and so much more but she could only focus on the sound of her name. And so Marlene fought, she fought to breathe, she fought to regain control, she fought to return. It was exhausting, excruciating, but at last, after what felt like an eternity, her breathing eased, her sight was no longer blurred, and she turned to see Sirius' face full of concern.   
  
"Hi," she panted ready to simply fall asleep in his arms.  
  
"Fucking hell, Marlene!" He pulled her closer. "You nearly gave me a heart attack! What happened to you?"  
  
"Sunshine," she rested her head against his chest.  
  
"Sunshine?" Sirius ran his hand up and down her arm and Marlene briefly wondered what that would feel like without her light gray wool dress uniform on. _I've gone round the bend,_ she chastised herself.  
  
"It's a thing Mary and I have. I'm the sunshine," she took in a shuddering breath and fought off the second wave of debilitating panic.   
  
"But it's gone now. Mary and David are leaving as soon as David can be moved up to Scotland. My mother wrote to tell me that the German bombers are flying over London, within a half mile of our home. My brother is on a ship patrolling the Channel while Germans are sinking British ships by the bushel. And," she drifted off, not sure she could finish the sentence, not sure she could say how much it was going to kill her when he left too.   
  
But for the first time, Marlene chose to believe that maybe he'd at least miss her too. She needed to believe that he cared enough to miss her, just for now, because she was dying thinking anything else. She needed to have something right now, something to keep her sane, and if believing he would miss her, miss the opportunities they could have had, was the lie she told herself to keep sane then so be it.  
  
"And I've been trying to make sure Mary has everything she needs to live next to her husband's cot." Marlene continued, realizing Sirius seemed to be holding his breath for her to say something. "I'm making her meals every night for the next day. I'm almost out of ration coupons which depending on when Mary leaves won't be a big deal because I can just eat bread and water. Our shifts are still extended, I'm working through lunch trying to keep up on changing bandages and rehabilitation exercises for all my patients. I haven't had a chance to write my family and I'm sure they all think I'm dead and the telegram hasn't come yet. I'm exhausted Sirius, there's no end in sight. And I just," she took a deep breath, "there's no more sunshine."  
  
"Sunshine, huh?" Sirius mused. "It makes sense really. You are kind of like sunshine."  
  
Marlene shook her head, "Not anymore, Sirius. I can't face being left alone in this war and still be the sunshine."  
  
"You are never going to be alone, Marlene." He pulled her close and Marlene wondered if she imagined the fierceness in his voice.   
  
They were sweet words, but words nonetheless. He couldn't promise that her brother's ship wouldn't be the next ship sunk. He couldn't promise that Mary leaving wasn't the start of their friendship falling away. He couldn't promise that the bombs falling on London weren't going to take her parents and sister away. And he couldn't promise that he'd be there because he'd be sent back as soon as his vision returned. And it was slowly returning.   
  
They were words, but words were all he had to offer her at this point and honestly, she'd cling to anything he'd offer. Because she knew that one day it would be all she had left. One day, these words would be all she had of him, and so she clung to his words like they were holy water.   
  
And because she couldn't handle only words to remember him by and because her shift didn't start for another ten minutes, she kissed him.   
  
She knew that the French soldiers were most certainly watching them. She knew that if the Matron chanced walked by she'd be reassigned and heaven knew what else. She knew that this was inappropriate on so many levels. But she also knew she was dying on the inside. She also knew that she loved this man, though it killed her to admit it when he'd be ripped away. And she also knew that she would need more than just words when she was left alone. She knew she'd need something to look back on and smile. She knew she needed this, and the consequences would come or they wouldn't but Marlene didn't care.  
  
His hands were running up her arms and then her neck to cradle her face. And then a hand moved to run along her veil until he found her hair hanging loose within it. Her breath caught when his fingers began playing in her loose curls, and Sirius took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Marlene bit back the moan that threatened to escape her as Sirius ran his tongue along her lips and his hand gripped her hair. The light stubble he had at the beginning had become more of a short beard and the hairs scratched against her skin. She wondered what it would have been like to kiss him when he was in proper military dress. His hair not so long. His face clean shaven. His dark green uniform pressed crisp. He moved his lips to her neck and Marlene seemed to regain clarity.  
  
Slowly, with an effort almost as great as pulling herself out of her panic attack earlier, Marlene pulled back. Sirius sighed and hung his head, regaining control as well she assumed.  
  
"Sunshine," he looked up and smiled at her. "It suits you."   
  
Marlene bit her lip, "Thank you. Thank you for everything."   
  
"Anything for you, Sunshine." He pulled her back into him and Marlene tried to memorize every detail of how it felt to have him hold her. How he wrapped his arms around her waist, clasping his hands at her hip. How he rested his head on top of her head. How his breathing slowed. How her heart fluttered. How her body stilled in his embrace. She wanted to remember how this felt because she knew she'd never feel it again once he was gone. She wanted these moments tattooed on her mind, constant reminders of the man that she would have given everything for if there hadn't been a war waging around them.  
  
She sighed and pulled back. "I'll be back after lunch." She promised him.  
  
"Try to eat lunch today, yeah?" He chuckled.  
  
"I make no promises but I'll try to fit a sandwich in at some point." She laughed before squeezing his hand and standing.   
  
There still was no sunshine, but at least with Sirius, there was a break in the clouds.


	16. Chapter 16

It was a major effort to shut the door without cheering. It was a good thing that Arabella Figg prided herself in her self-restraint.

When she was safely out in the hall she had to allow herself a moment of victory. She would have denied jumping in the air, but her feet definitely lifted from the ground just a little before she took a deep breath and proceeded to the area where she knew that Bertha and Dorcas would be eating breakfast, smiling all the way there.

Arabella Figg had just confirmed that she had a gift. She could bring people together. She was just a soft-spoken maid who loved her cats, but for a moment she felt like she had the power of a chess master or perhaps a trickster god from her mum’s folk stories.

Sister Marlene and Captain Black had been her pet project for weeks now. The way the Captain’s face lit up at the sound of the Sister’s voice tugged at Arabella’s heart so much that she couldn’t stand by and watch them miss their chance at happiness. She knew Sister Marlene was just as smitten, even if she made a noble effort to pretend otherwise. Strings needed to be pulled to keep them together after he left the quarantine ward. Luckily, Arabella was quite adept with strings. She lived with seven cats after all!

“You’re smiling.” Leave it to Bertha to point out the obvious. She was a friend but the poor dear was a bit of an airhead at times.

“I sure am.”

“Are you going to tell us why? Or do you enjoy being mysterious as well as insufferably… happy?” Dorcas said her final word as if it were some sort of disease. Arabella, however, knew that under all the prickly exterior there was a slightly less prickly heart. The two maids were close because of how different they were in personality, rather than in spite of it. Arabella needed a friend who was direct and no-nonsense in saying what she thought. She was glad to find that in the young Dorcas Meadows.

“It’s hardly mysterious! I’d say it was… so obvious a blind man could see it…”

She busted out laughing at her own comment. It wasn’t like her to make puns, really but after 5 weeks around Captain Sirius Black, she must have picked up the habit. Dorcas groaned and rolled her eyes, but Bertha just tilted her head in confusion.

“Is this about your blind officer?”

“Right you are, Bertha. He’s definitely made his move.”

She smiled again. Then wondered if it was nutty to be so excited about other people kissing. It wasn’t as if anyone had made a move on her. That scenario actually sounded less to her liking than this. She loved to help people along to the things they really want. She didn’t love the idea of some man coming in and scaring her cats. The kitties were very sensitive to new people and she wouldn’t think they’d take to a gentleman at all.

“Did the Sister tell you? Or did he?” Dorcas interrupted her internal musings.

“Neither. I opened the door and saw the fruits of my labor right there in front of my eyes." Arabella sighed happily. “It was so sweet! They’re made for each other. I think I’ll tell them about all this someday. They could name their first daughter after me.”

“You're already deciding they’ll have a daughter? Just what did you see, exactly?” Dorcas put on a disapproving tone but she was obviously quite curious about the ongoing romantic saga of Sister Marlene and Captain Black.

Arabella leaned forward and dropped her voice. “Just a very romantic kiss. Clearly not their first, by the looks of it.”

“Do you think he’s worried about what she’ll look like? When his sight comes back?” Bertha didn’t look up from her soup while she pondered the thought.

“I am absolutely certain that he’s not worried. He’s so in love with her he’d think she was beautiful even if she looked like the Wicked Witch of the West.”

“Well, she’s not green at all." Bertha mused. "Actually she’s quite pretty. He’ll be pleased.”

“Were you not listening to me at all? Honestly! Keep up. He’s been a goner for her for weeks now. He’s probably desperate to propose marriage but I’d think he’d want to hold off until he’s recovered and can make some grand romantic gesture. He’s quite showy and he really seems to enjoy making her smile.”

“How does he even know he’s making her smile?” Dorcas seemed skeptical.

“He says he can hear it. He’s always right. So he must be able to.”

“Do you think she loves him back though?” Bertha pushed her dish away. ‘Maybe she was just indulging him a bit.”

“Or indulging herself. Have you seen the Captain in question? Bloody hell…” Dorcas made a show of fanning herself.

“Yes, yes, they’re both attractive young people, I’m sure they’ll have beautiful children to name after me.” Arabella waved her off. Dorcas was a rod if iron, but she was still 18 and some days it showed more than others.

“The Matron doesn't know does she?” A bit of color seemed to drain from Dorcas’ face.

“Of course not!” Arabella scoffed. “Do you even realize how much underground work I've been doing?” She had to stop and remind herself that this was a covert operation and the fact that no one noticed all the work she’d done was proof that she’d done well.

“Don't get your knickers in a bunch,” Dorcas shook her head. “I'm just making sure. I happen to have a lot of respect for Sister Marlene. She told me I should become a nurse the other day.”

Bertha laughed, “Yes, yes, we've all heard how you manhandled Dr. Flammel down to the Rehabilitation Ward. You'd go into a fire if Sister Marlene asked you too.”

“Of course I would,” Dorcas pulled herself upright. “Because I know she'd be leading the way ahead of me.”

“If I didn't know better I'd say you fancy her,” Arabella teased and laughed when she pulled a light blush from Dorcas’ cheeks.

“Don't be absurd,” Dorcas seemed to regain control. “Do you think everything will work out? I mean, he'll be sent off again once he can see fully.”

“I heard that her friend, Sister Mary, is going back to Scotland with her husband as soon as they can move him.” Bertha chimed in.

“You don't think Sister Marlene will leave too, do you?” Dorcas’ eyes went wide.

Arabella scoffed, “Sister Marlene doesn't know the meaning of the word quit. She'd pull herself into work from the dead if she could manage it. And I don't believe I have anything to worry about except maybe what sort of wedding gift I should get them. Do you think they’d like a kitten? Mrs. Whiskers is expecting again.” Arabella just smiled and shrugged when both of her friends groaned at her managing to bring it back around to cats. That was her other gift. One had to make use of all one’s gifts.

“Time to go,” Dorcas pointed up at the clock.

Arabella smiled, she couldn't wait to see the look on Captain Black's face when Sister Marlene paid him a visit after lunch, she always did, but today would definitely be more interesting.

 


	17. Chapter 17

The past six weeks had involved a lot of sitting and waiting. It couldn’t be helped. That was the nature of the beast, so to speak. He had managed a certain degree of patience through the whole thing, until three days prior. The doctor’s visit that day had pushed him over the edge.

The modest improvements in sight were exciting, of course. It was a good sign when he started to see colors and then vaguely outlined shapes. But it didn’t become real until the day a specialist came in with all manner of tests, and came to the conclusion that his current vision could be corrected to a functioning level with strong prescription glasses.

Of course, that news came with the expectation that he’d be sent to Europe, but it seemed there was some sort of regulation that he didn't quite meet. But he was told he’d still be of use to the army.

Translators were needed in London, to interpret German radio transmissions. Sirius, by virtue of his family background, spoke German from the nursery. Like it or not, German was his mother tongue. As much as he’d wanted to erase and forget everything German about himself, he was glad that some good might come of it. It would be poetic justice if he could use the tools his parents imparted on him to fight against the evil that they supported. His mother would be disgusted. That was always a nice bonus.

The three days he waited to have his sight handed back to him were some of the most restless days of his 25 years on this earth. He was on edge every minute. He’d gone over in his head every possible way it could go, and quite a few scenarios that were entirely impossible. Waiting was hell. Luckily, Hell’s secretary was good company.

She was over-worked and worn down, but the moments that he got to spend with her were like a cooling salve on the burning suspense that had taken over his thoughts almost entirely. When he told her that he’d be in London she didn’t react like he’d imagined. Perhaps she couldn’t be happy about his leaving at all, and he could understand the sadness in not being able to be together and have those treasured moments every day. But he also saw the other side of things. Once he was no longer a patient there was the opportunity to be together properly and in the open. He wanted to do things right. She deserved that. She deserved so much.

It just so happened that while he was daydreaming of her, he heard the door latch followed by her footsteps he looked up and saw the golden color of her hair mixed with the gray of her veil.

“Sunshine.”

“Captain.” he could hear the smile in her voice as she made her show of an effort at propriety.

“I was just thinking of you.” He didn’t even try to keep the stupid smile off his face. She must have been well aware of what she’d done to him.

“I’ve been tasked with delivering something to you.” Her tone was sing-song and gave away her uncharacteristic excitement. She hadn’t managed the energy to be excited much recently, but for this, it was different.

She got to be the first sight he took in with the glasses she placed carefully into his hand.

He hadn’t expected that she’d manage this. But he knew for certain he didn’t want this experience to play out in front of the still very unwelcome audience of Frenchmen. Luckily he was pretty good at thinking on the fly.

“Sister Marlene, can I ask a favor?” He used her proper form of address so as to be especially clear about the show he was putting on.

“Have I not done enough for you, Captain Black?” She was laughing at him, and the sound was music to his ears.

“I’m afraid not. I was hoping you’d come with me outside to the grounds? I thought that I’d like for the first sight I take in to be out in the daylight and slightly less… French.” The drop in his voice at the end of his sentence served to make sure she understood exactly what he was hoping for when he said he wanted to go out onto the grounds.

He heard the little breath of laughter that Marlene failed to hold in. He was pretty pleased with himself. He was pretty pleased in general, as Marlene took him by the hand and started leading him out.

When the fresh air of the outside hit him he heard her whisper. “I’m fairly certain you’re going to be the death of me, Sirius.”

“I just want a chance to fully appreciate you. You wouldn’t deny me that, would you?” He doubted he would ever be able to appreciate her fully enough for his liking. Not even if he had an eternity to do so.

“I have doubts that I’ll live up to whatever it is you’ve built up in your head, but we’re outside, and alone I might add, so you should go on ahead.” She let loose her grip on his hand.

“Marlene you can’t really think that. You know how I feel about you.”

“I do?” There was something to her voice that was off. Did she not know?

“Really?” He placed his hands on her shoulders. "I thought I was the blind one here. I love you. I love you so much that there is nothing those glasses could show me that would make me think you’re anything less than perfect. Did I really have to say all that? I’ve been thinking it very loudly for weeks.”

It was quiet for a beat, and then her soft hands were pulling his face down to her and her lips brushed against his for the briefest moment, but that moment seemed to last forever. When she pulled back, her choked voice whispered against him.

“I love you.” And she slid his glasses on his face.

His heart felt like it did a flip inside of his chest and the world came into view for the first time in six weeks. Or possibly the first time ever.

The woman he’d fallen in love with stood right there, looking up at him with blue eyes like he’d never seen before. Bright blue like a clear sky. He could get lost in them. Her veil covered most of her blonde hair, and tentatively he pulled it back, releasing her golden curls into the sunlight. She was beautiful! He had to wonder if he’d inadvertently triggered some sort of ancient good luck spell. Because this was really just too much to have happened by chance. He brought a hand up to her pinkish cheeks as he took in the sort of glowing beauty that would have brought him to his knees even before all this. She was exactly as radiant as the Sunshine.

“There’s my Sunshine.”   
  
His gaze dropped to her lips and he knew he’d made the right call, doing this in relative privacy. Seeing those pouty lips and not kissing them would have been next to impossible. But between the giant elm trees on what looked like massive grounds, he needn’t be cautious.

He looked back to her gorgeous blue eyes just before he went in for a kiss so sweet that he could hardly bear it. He had to break away and look at her again. Having vision never seemed all that amazing until he’d parted with it, but now he was certain that he’d never take it for granted. He was going to really enjoy looking at Marlene for the rest of his life.

Sirius was never good about planning his words. It was a real chore to have to wait for Andromeda to hunt down Grandmother Irma’s jewelry. He’d really hoped that he’d have it so he could make it official as soon as he no longer looked like an unusually happy vagrant. But he stayed his will and went against his natural tendency to let his heart lead. His head knew that he only got one chance to propose and Marlene deserved better than to look back all her life on promising her hand in marriage to a newly bespectacled vagrant with no ring.

So he just stared at her smiling like an idiot until it occurred to him that she… had tears forming in her eyes? They didn’t look like happy tears?

“You’ve been working so hard. Is there anything I can do? These tears are breaking my heart.”

She leaned her head into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and ran his hand over her curls. She was sadder than he could understand. Something was happening that she wasn’t telling him about. He wanted to fix it for her, whatever it was, but he knew not everything was so simple. He’d need to be patient and wait for her to decide to open up to him. He’d be there for her when she did.

He kissed the top of her head gently. He would be there for her always. No matter what.

 


	18. Chapter 18

Fate was cruel, incredibly so.

Marlene had seen Mary and David off the night before, and this morning she would say goodbye to Sirius.

She would say goodbye after he'd told her he loved her, before having actually seen her. She would say goodbye after having finally admitted out loud that she loved him. She could still feel her heart crumbling on the green as she watched him look adoringly down at her.

He'd be in London, and part of her dared to hope that this love could last over letters and distance and time, but part of her panicked at him being in London. Her mother's last letter told her the German bombers were increasing in number, and there was concern that their targets were less focused on military targets and more focused on destruction. There was concern that London was next. If London was next she could lose her family and Sirius in one fell swoop. Marlene shuddered at the thought

Mary's scream when David had been brought in to Netley began to haunt Marlene's dreams after Sirius told her he'd be in London. The scream of a broken heart. The scream of thinking everything you've invested your life into is gone. Marlene didn't know if she could survive that. Mary very nearly didn't.

But she needed to be brave. She needed to put on a smile and wish him well and tell him one last time that she loved him, because she may never get the chance again. It had been hard not knowing if he loved her these last few weeks, but now that he'd told her, now that she knew, their parting felt twice as awful. He'd be gone, and she'd be alone aside from the letters she was praying would still come. She'd be completely cut off aside from the post, and that was a fearful thought.

But the thought that was more terrifying than the rest was if anything happened to Sirius, she'd never find out. She was not his next of kin, she was not his wife, she was nothing and if anything were to happen, if the letters were to stop, she would never know why. He could move on and simply stop writing her and it would be the same as if he'd been killed in combat or in a bombing. Marlene would never be told what had happened.

Marlene pulled in a shuddering breath as she made her walk up to the hospital, feeling so very alone as none of Mary's things were in her arms. She sighed and pulled open the door to the hospital.

Alone. The word sent shivers down her spine.

The walk down to the Rehabilitation Ward seemed to be miles long, and Marlene focused on keeping the iron in her back. She needed to be strong, for him, for her patients, for herself. The door to Sirius’ room never looked so uninviting. She squared her shoulders and pushed it open, turning to see his face light up at her presence.

He was gone.

Her heart stopped beating and she felt like someone had pulled the floor out from under her.

He was gone.

Marlene tried to recover, but the looks of sympathy she was receiving from the last two French soldiers in her care told her she wasn't doing very well at it. She busied herself with checking over them, they'd both be cleared to return home at the end of the week, leaving Marlene with just a room and a half worth of patients. She walked into the next room, nodding politely to Dorcas.

Marlene kicked herself. She should have never assumed that he knew she wanted to see him this morning. But she'd been so locked in her head and so stressed and there just hadn't been time or privacy to really talk and she was absolutely sick of herself for breaking down whenever she was with him because he made her happy, though if he knew that it was a miracle because she had done a damn pathetic job at showing him.

She wiped a stray tear away and forced the iron front she'd crafted further forward. Her patients didn't need an emotional girl, they needed a competent Sister who would be the rock they needed as they recovered and prepared to return to war. She tied off a fresh bandage on a young Private when she heard the door open.

“May I have a word, Sister Marlene?”

She froze. She imagined it. She imagined that voice because her mind was cracking under all this stress. Slowly, calmly she hoped, she turned and braced herself for the disappointment, for Dr. Kingsley, or an orderly to be standing there.

Her heart flipped in her chest at what she saw.

Captain Sirius Black stood in full uniform, hair freshly cut, face clean shaven, his hat in his hand. Marlene forgot how to breathe.

“I can wait, if you need to finish here.” He smirked at her, and she couldn't be damned to care that he knew exactly what he was doing to her.

“I have a moment, Captain” she didn’t budge from her seat but smiled at him expectantly. If he was going to go around looking like that she was at least going to make him ask for exactly what he wanted.

“A private word, Sister,” he rolled his eyes at her.

Marlene's smile filled her chest. This was how it was supposed to be. This back and forth, this dance, it was how she wished their lives could be.

“I can spare a few minutes,” she stood and Sirius met her halfway, taking her arm in his. Marlene thought she saw Dorcas smirk at them, but right now, she couldn't care less.

“I'm glad to see you weren't too attached to my beard,” Sirius chuckled as he led them out onto the green, securing his hat back on his head.

“You clean up well,” she shrugged.

“The look on your face says that I do far more than clean up well, Marlene.” He pulled her behind a tree and pressed her back into the trunk. “Tell me I'm wrong.”

“You're very nearly always wrong, Captain Black.” She smirked up at him, chuckling at how she could see her reflection in his glasses.

“Come on,” he teased, running his fingers lightly along her waist as he leaned closer into her, supporting his weight against the trunk behind her. “Tell me how I make you go weak in the knees.”

His glasses were distracting, Marlene kept noticing her reflection in the glass. Ignoring his request she reached up and pulled the glasses off his face. That, she realized a second too late, was a terrible, horrible, idea.

If Captain Sirius Orion Black was good looking beforehand, without the glasses on Marlene very near fainted. And by the look on his face, he knew it.

“I can't wait for my sight to not need these anymore,” he pulled the glasses from her hand and hooked them in his lapel. “If that's how you'll look at me from then on.”

“You're going to be the death of me, Sirius,” she breathed as he leaned into her.

“Come on, Sunshine,” his lips were just barely touching hers and Marlene thought his teasing was going to kill her right there, “Surely you don't mean that.”

Marlene chose not to answer and kissed him instead. She was suddenly very grateful for the tree trunk behind her, for without it she was sure she would have fallen to the lawn. Sirius took full advantage of their borrowed privacy and his clean shaven face. He dragged his smooth face along her cheek and neck, teasing her with his lips as she moaned and gripped the lapel of his uniform, pulling him closer. His fingers gripped her waist and Marlene was sure there would be a bruise there, but she couldn't be damned. If it bruised she'd know this hadn't been a dream, she'd know this was real, that Sirius was real.

The bells of Netley Chapel rang out half past and Sirius groaned into her neck.

“I have a train to catch,” he whispered into her ear and Marlene felt his words vibrate down her spine. He pulled back to look down at her and Marlene tried to memorize exactly what he looked like, to etch his imagine to her brain, because if anything happened, this was it. This would be the last time.

“I love you,” she whispered, cursing how her voice cracked. She would not cry. If this was it, she was not going to have him remembering her in tears. She smiled up at him and blinked her eyes as he slid his glasses back on his face.

“I love you,” Sirius slid a piece of paper into her hand, “This is my new address. I've already stolen yours.”

“You stole it? From whom?” Marlene looked up at him confused.

He smirked and Marlene fought the urge to kiss him again.

“The secretaries at the front office are all very nice, but they walk away from their post too easily.” He winked, and Marlene was suddenly very grateful his glasses were on.

“I forgot how easy it was to get things having spent the last six and a half weeks in Hell, the secretary was very good at minding her post.”

Marlene laughed at him, “Just doing my job, Captain.”

Sirius brought a hand up to cradle her face before leaning in and placing a chaste kiss against her lips. When he pulled back there was just a tinge of sadness in his smile.

“Goodbye, Sunshine.”

His first step back felt like an ice bath. His second step back felt like a noose around her neck. But when he turned and began walking away, it was as though a knife hit her in the chest. She couldn't move; something had pinned her against the tree trunk and stolen her ability to breathe. Then Sirius turned out of sight and the power that had been holding her up disappeared; Marlene collapsed to the ground and silently sobbed.

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My week and this weekend are insanely busy, and it's a similar story for PJ; so early update at an absolute random time! Plus we finish this story today! Hooray! ;)

_My Dearest Sunshine,_

_Things are so terribly dull without you. I miss hearing your sweet voice doling out some sort of insult to my character daily. Sure, sure, plenty of people are capable of insulting my character, but it’s just not any fun now that I’ve experienced the very best._

_My vision is slowly but surely improving as the doctors said it would. But without your beautiful face to look at, it hardly seems to matter. I still can’t get over how absurdly gorgeous you are. How is that allowed? Why didn’t you tell me? I was making a right and proper idiot of myself for weeks not knowing that I was doing so in front of the prettiest girl in England. I suppose it’s just as well. I would have done so anyway, even if I tried not to. It’s in my nature. I’m glad you don’t scare easily, Sister._

_How is Netley without me? Is your French improving without me there distracting you? (Oh how I miss distracting you…) I think I picked up a thing or two the weeks I was stuck with them. I can say with some confidence that I’d be able to be offensive and rude in at least three languages now._

_I’m full of useful skills, you see. You may have been under the impression that I’m just a posh wanker who doesn’t even have the decency to be the prince of a country that still exists. (You’d be correct. But also I can insult someone’s mother in French, and lose graciously at cards.)_

_I could probably go on and on about how much I miss you and demonstrate further how my love for you has turned me into an unbearable sap, but I would like to get this letter off to you today. So I shall end with this: It hurts to be parted with my heart, but I hope it brings you some comfort that I left it there with you._

_Forever Yours,_

_Sirius_

* * *

_My posh prince,_

_Oh wait that's another letter._

_(You set yourself up for that one darling.)_

_I do hope you're enjoying your new post. I've been adjusting to my new life without Mary, and you. It's quiet these days. The French have all gone home. I no longer have to try and learn the language, though I never did try in the first place. We're finally catching up. I no longer have extended shifts and my patients all fit in one room now. The Matrons who served in the Great War tell me this is how it was then, weeks of going a million miles an hour then months of reprieve, waiting for the next wave._

_I'm not one to go about telling blind men that I find myself attractive, love. But I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I enjoy you going on about it so._

_It's quiet. Have I said that? Oh, I suppose I have. I do hope that you're enjoying London and that you’re keeping safe. Mother wrote that the German planes were flying so low they shook the bricks of our home. She and Father have decided to change Richard's next of kin to me. They're worried if the rumors are true and the Germans bomb London and something happens to Richard the telegram will never make it to them. I've never been so concerned about messenger boys in my entire life. We could never afford telegrams growing up, but now I see the messenger boys everywhere. I'm worried I'll go mad._

_I miss you more than words can say. My heart aches, darling. It aches for everything we can't have. I pray for the end of this war when life can be how we wish it, rather than how the war dictates it. Be safe, Sirius._

_I love you,_

_Marlene_

* * *

_To the most formidable secretary of Hell,_

_That’s disgraced Posh Prince of nowhere thank you very much! One must take care to take full advantage of opportunities to make fun of me, lest I have to do it myself._

_I was thrilled to get your letter and savored every word and every stroke of loopy penmanship. But it pains me to think of you worried and hurting. I do hope that now that things have calmed down and the French infestation is over with, you are getting some rest and looking after yourself a bit. I do wish that I could be the one looking after you. But even now, if you let me, I want to help you bear the load of what you’re feeling._

_I believe you once told me that I mightn’t have been ok right then, but that in the long term I would be ok. I hope that you know that you’re every bit as brave and stubborn as I am, and measure better than me in innumerable other facets of your character. You’re going to be ok. I will do anything in my power to make it so. And if you’re not ok then neither am I. I know you so hate being proven wrong, so let’s avoid that, alright my love?_

_In response to your comment about your withholding vital factual information from a blind man: you say that as if it would be a strange thing to do. I promise that if you were blind I would tell you all the time how good looking I am. Constantly. You’d never be able to forget it._

_I would tell you about my day but it was all dreadfully boring other than getting some much-anticipated mail from Andromeda. She’s with her daughter in the relative safety of our late Uncle’s country home just north of Newcastle-upon-_ thyne _._ Six year old _Cousin Dora has written me herself that it is dreadfully boring and that she’d like to learn to play the oboe to pass the time. I grew up with Dora’s mother as close as siblings, so of course I find her misfortune hilarious._

_I miss you so terribly, my Sunshine. I hope you’re taking good care of my heart. You’ve given me so much hope for the future, but you’ve also given me an incurable case of sappiness. I love you._

_Forever Yours,_

_Sirius_

* * *

_To the only man the Devil has ever spat back out,_

_I assume it had something to do with the size if your ego competing with his, but I'm just the secretary._

_I'm glad to hear that your cousin has moved away from London. I rather liked her when she wasn't risking a typhus outbreak. If I could, I'd move my family and you to safety as well. But my parents won't budge, I suppose that's where my stubbornness stems from. One day I hope to introduce you to them all. Richard and my father will probably be very stern but it's all a show, they enjoy a good joke as much as you do. My mother will fuss over you. It's her favorite thing to do, fuss over her children and their friends. She'll probably ask if you know any sweet young girls for Richard actually. Anne will be shy, she's always shy around new people, though I suppose with her studying to become a nurse that may have changed now._

_I'm not sure where to begin if you're to share my burden, love. But I love you for caring. Maybe on my next day off, they're Fridays now, I'll put it to words what I'm feeling. I'm ashamed to admit it probably all boils down to fear. Please don't think less of me for it. I so desperately want to be strong, to be brave, to stand tall and not crumble. I shall focus on that for now._

_The leaves are changing colors. It's only the beginning of September but the leaves are already putting on a show. I've almost been here at Netley a year. So much has changed. I came here with Mary, young and naive. We had aspirations of healing the world her and I. We'd laugh in this little flat, and dance and sing to the radio. I lived for those moments through the first winter. Now I've this little flat to myself until a new sister comes to fill the empty bed in October. Maybe then it won't be so quiet._

_I miss you, Sirius. Please stay safe._

_I love you,_

_Marlene_


	20. Chapter 20

It was a Tuesday; she'd always remember it was a Tuesday. The country was still reeling at the bombing of London, more so because the Nazis showed no sign of stopping. She hadn't heard from her family or Sirius, but a part of Marlene felt that the lack of messenger boys was a good thing. She chose to believe it meant they were alive, she had to. Marlene was nearly finished for the day when her Matron found her.

"Sister Marlene, there's a phone call for you on the main phone. Will you take the call?"

Marlene felt a glimmer of hope. The cost of the call would be garnished from her wages, but only her family knew the hospital’s line.

"Yes, I'll take the call." The Matron nodded her towards the offices and Marlene stepped to it. It seemed to take an eternity to make it to the secretarial offices

The secretary handed her the receiver and Marlene tried to calm herself.

"Hello, this is Sister Marlene McKinnon."

"Marly, oh darling it's Winifred, do you remember me?"

"Of course I remember you, Mrs. Gilroy!" Marlene smiled at the sound of her mother's dearest friend.

"Marly, or Marly darling I couldn't let you know over telegram. Marly," Mrs. Gilroy started to cry and Marlene already knew the answer.

"When, when Mrs. Gilroy?" Marlene felt the lump in her throat.

"Last night, Marly. Oh darling Marly, there's nothing left, and they're gone, they're gone, dear!" Mrs. Gilroy was near hysterical.

 

"Thank you for telling me, Mrs. Gilroy. I'll write to you. Rich and I will be alright. We'll sort this out." Marlene could feel the iron in her back start to crumble. How would she tell Rich? She needed to be strong; Richard needed her to be strong.

Marlene didn't wait for Mrs. Gilroy to answer, she just handed the receiver back to the secretary. She didn't bother to look back. Marlene walked out of the office and out the front door. Her feet carried her to her flat. She didn't notice the young man walking towards her.

"Sister Marlene McKinnon?" He stepped in front of her as she went for her key.

Marlene stumbled before nodding.

"Telegram, ma'am," he handed it to her and before she could say anything, he turned on his heels and walked away.

No. Please no. Please.

Her fingers shook as she inserted the key to her flat and stepped over the threshold with trembling legs. The door shut behind her with a finality that felt like a prison door. She could feel the panic rising faster, faster, but Marlene had to know. With quivering hands, she opened the telegram.

"Please," she whispered as she turned the paper over in her hand.

_Deeply regret to inform you that your brother Richard C. McKinnon Petty Officer in the Royal Navy died..._

The telegram dropped from her fingers, floating gracefully to the floor. Her legs gave out, she was falling, falling, and she didn't bother to try and stop herself. Her chest was collapsing, she couldn't breathe. She was suffocating, suffocating, suffocating. There was no point in fighting it now. She let the panic consume her. The room spun around her as she descended deeper into the darkness that had reached up to devour her.

She had fought before, she had fought when there were reasons to fight the blackness, the debilitating panic, but now? There were no reasons now, and with almost a sense of relief she gave in. She succumbed to the pain, the tears, the way her bones ached within her. She succumbed to the word that had terrified her more than she would have ever admitted, she succumbed to being alone.

Alone.

It echoed in her ears and seemed to grab her by the back of the neck.

Alone.

It pulled her backward and head first into a pit of knives, piercing through every part of her.

Alone.

Marlene screamed. She screamed for everything this blasted war had stripped from her. She screamed for David and how he'd never walk unassisted again. She screamed for Mary and how she'd been stolen from her when Marlene needed her best friend more than ever. She screamed for her dead family, and how she suddenly had no place in this world. She screamed for Sirius, and everything that she had wanted with him but knew would never happen in this damned war. She screamed for all the could have beens. And then she screamed for herself. She screamed for the agony she was in. She screamed for having had to be strong for so long when it was all going to be torn away from her in the end anyway. She screamed for her broken heart. She screamed at being left alone.

Alone.

And then she let the blackness take her. Her last thought before she blacked out was that no one was coming and when she came to, she'd still be lying on the floor.

Alone.

* * *

Marlene awoke on the floor. It was the hard floor that reinforced the reality that yesterday hadn't been a nightmare.

Alone.

Her first day alone.

Marlene looked at her watch and saw if she hurried she'd be able to make it to her shift on time. Work, yes, work was what she needed. She needed something to throw herself into, something that would make her function, yes, work, she needed to work.

Marlene pulled herself up off the hard floor. Everything hurt. Parts of Marlene ached that she didn't know could ache. Her tears seemed to be threatening to spill through at every second. It was worse than the days leading up to Mary and Sirius leaving her.

Sirius.

Was he alive? If the bombs had killed her family, they certainly could have taken him too. But the thought of Sirius gone as well brought Marlene to her knees. She couldn't breathe again.

He's alive, she told herself. He had to be alive because if he was gone as well she didn't think she'd ever pull herself out of this pit of misery she'd been thrown into.

She should tell Sirius what had happened. He'd want to know. He wanted to share the load with her. But the thought of writing that letter was paralyzing.

She pulled her clean veil on and noticed the telegram on the floor. There was her solution.

With an effort greater than Marlene had ever thought possible, she pulled herself into the hospital. But instead of going straight to her Matron's office, she stepped into the secretarial offices.

"I'd like to send a telegram, and have it garnished." She announced as the telegraph operator turned towards her. What did half a month’s wages matter now?

The operator handed her a form to fill out. Marlene's pen froze as it reached the spot where she needed to write her message. With an effort greater than the effort it took to pull herself off the floor that morning, greater than the effort to drag her feet to the hospital, greater than the effort to force the thoughts away that Sirius may not be alive to receive this message, Marlene forced the pen to write.

_My family is lost and with them the sunshine._

She signed her name and walked away as the tears fell once more.


	21. Chapter 21

Sirius stared down at the message in front of him. Just a few words but each one cried out with pain in Marlene’s voice.

Marlene.

She was all alone there. He couldn’t bear the thought. She had been there for him minutes after he heard the news about his brother and that was before…

He couldn’t just leave her there. There would have to be an expediting of plans.

Sirius Black was pretty good and making things happen when he needed to. He could find a way. But first, he had to let her know that she wasn’t truly alone in the world. She was probably worried that the bombs had taken him too, and he couldn’t let her go on like that for a moment longer.

The telegram reply that he paid nearly his whole months wages to send read: "I am so sorry for all that you have lost. My heart is with you. I will be there as well, soon as I can get free. Know that I love you."

Then he got to work making things happen. Sirius Black was a man who knew how to make things happen. People tend to underestimate the power of asking very nicely while armed with an overabundance of inborn charisma. The strategy rarely failed him. This instance was no exception.

He was on a train early Friday morning, with 48 hours of leave and a tiny box full of hope for the future.

Andromeda hadn’t let him get away with his elusive answers to questions regarding his sudden interest in heirloom jewelry. She was thrilled for him. He imagined that she and Marlene would have a grand old time making fun of him together when there was an opportunity for them to become acquainted.

James Potter was flabbergasted that his brother had found a woman crazy enough to put up with him forever. Sirius found it particularly amusing when Lily could be heard in the background giving James a very thorough “I-told-you-so”. She was the type to pick up on things. She’d noticed Marlene and had suspected that she was more than a passing fancy for Sirius.

The Potter’s infant son Harry was keeping them quite busy while James waited on his orders. Sirius hoped they could all get together and get to know Marlene soon. The Tonks’ could come as well. That would make up his whole little patchwork family. That hypothetical gathering was his most sincere wish for the future. That was the daydream he indulged himself in during that train ride.

A little over two hours into his leave he knocked on Marlene’s door. She was quite clearly surprised to see him. Her face cycled through about 30 different emotions as she stood frozen and silent.

“I know I’m dashing without the glasses and all, but I didn’t quite expect you’d lose your grip on language and not even invite me in.” He chuckled at her.

She broke her trance with a laugh and a shake of her head.

“You absolute wanker” then her hands were on his face and her lips on his, kissing like her life depended on it, still in the threshold of an open doorway.

He attempted to guide her inside a few paces without breaking their kiss, but ended up causing both of them to stumble and fall in a heap of laughter to the floor, just inside the still open doorway.

He breathed in the sound of Marlene’s laughter and the beauty of her smile so deeply he could feel the warmth of her in his bones. He’d meant to help her up from the floor but he was caught up in noticing the small smattering of freckles on her nose for the first time and then her mouth was soft on his again. Her lips parted for his tongue as one of his hands found its way up from her knee to the soft skin on the outside of her thigh. He’d nearly forgotten about the door entirely when he heard a conspicuous clearing of throat noise coming from directly behind him.

Marlene’s face was priceless. He would probably still be laughing about this for years to come.

“Arabella… I… erm… wasn’t expecting you.”

“I’d brought over some lunch for you Sister, because I worried about your being alone over here. I see that my worries were quite unfounded. Nice to see you again, Captain Black.” The shy little maid’s voice seemed deeply amused with the situation they’d found themselves in.

Sirius started picking himself up off the floor then extended a hand to Marlene. But Arabella Figg set down the tray in front of the door and did not look like she was inclined to intrude.

“So I’ll be off then. ...have a nice day Sister, Captain. You don’t seem to need my help with that.”

Then she was off on her way before either of them could find words.

Sirius gathered his wits and shut the door behind the two of them before the next wave of laughter came over them.

“It just occurred to me that this is the first time I’ve seen you out of uniform. I like your hair like this.”

His fingers found their way to her untamed golden curls. He’d never get over how truly beautiful she was. He could have spent the whole two days just looking at her. Memorizing every inch of her. But he’d come here with an important task, and he thought he should probably get to that fairly quickly. He could stare at her adoringly after.

“I wasn’t expecting you so soon. How long are you here?” She slid her hands into the lapel of his uniform.

He glanced at the clock on Marlene’s wall, suddenly feeling nervous. “45 and a half hours”

“Just a 48 hour leave? Well, I’m glad you’re here. I’m going to make the most of every minute I have with you.”

He took a very deep breath and reached a hand into his pocket. The box was still present and accounted for. Good. Ok then.

“Right, yes. 48 hours of leave is sort of the done thing. For soldiers to go get married.”

Then he remembered that perhaps he ought to phrase that as some sort of question. He dropped to one knee. That was also the standard procedure, he’d gathered. He opened the little box with his Grandmother Irma’s diamond ring inside. He’d really meant to say something by now but his thoughts were scattered and Marlene’s face was bloody distracting.

“To… what?” Her eyes went very wide.

“Marlene McKinnon, would you do me the honor of being my wife? Immediately? Because I love you and I never want to be without you, and because I have less than two days so we’d best step to it?”

He took the ring out of the box and slid it onto her finger. He would have known she was smiling even if he’d still been blind as a bat. Her smile practically echoed off the walls. Marlene’s smile wasn’t just a beautiful sight to take in, nor was it just a pretty song, it was a feeling. That feeling was something akin to home.


	22. Chapter 22

It was a fairytale, this isn't how her life went, but she was positive Sirius was kneeling before her with a ring in hand. And then Marlene laughed. She laughed in a way she never thought she would again as her chest filled to near bursting with a joy she didn't know existed.

“Yes!” She nodded and her laughter was suddenly cut off by Sirius’ lips against hers. His arms encircled her waist and he smirked against her as she continued to laugh. His lips pressed kisses against her lips, her cheeks, her nose, her forehead, her ear, her neck, and he chuckled as she laughed harder.

“It's back,” he whispered into her ear.

“What?” Marlene gasped as she tried to catch her breath.

“The sunshine,” his hand ran through her loose curls, looking down at her as if she was the wealth of the British Empire, “it's back.”

She pressed up on her toes and kissed him fiercely.

“As much as I want to continue this, love,” he pulled her impossibly closer, “we do have just a few things to attend to today. But, I promise I won't leave your side till my train leaves for London.”

Marlene laughed and kissed him once more before pulling back. “I don't even know where the courthouse is.”

“I do,” he brought his lips back to her neck, “I asked on my way from the station.” 

His voice against her neck made her spine tingle. 

“Sirius…” her voice was breathless and he tightened his hand in her hair.

“What was that about things to attend to?” She was going to melt into him, she was sure of it.

Sirius groaned and pulled back, sighing as he brought a hand to her face. “Do you have a dress you'd be alright wearing?”

Those words reminded her of the gaping hole in her heart. Her mother had been a seamstress; she'd dreamed of making Marlene her wedding dress. They'd spent nights when she was a teenager dreaming up what it would look like. Now her mother wouldn't even meet her husband.

“Hey, hey,” Sirius pulled her into him. “Where did those tears come from?”

She was crying? Oh, she was.

“I'm sorry,” Marlene tried to put some iron in her back. “I just...they, my family Sirius…” she swallowed hard.

Sirius pulled back, placing his hands on her shoulders. His gray eyes bore into hers.

“I'm so sorry, Marlene. But I'm still here; you didn't lose your whole family. And I'm going to do my damnedest to keep it that way.”

She was crying harder now, but her tears were in relief. She cried with the relief of no longer being alone, with the relief of feeling a little bit more whole than she had in the last four days, with the relief of glimpsing some sort of future where things were better, where she was happier.

“So the dress?” Sirius asked as he wiped a tear from her face, tracing the small smile that touched her lips.

Marlene wiped her eyes and nodded, “I think I have something. Mother made it for me when I was called to the QAIMNS.” She grabbed his hand and headed for her bedroom.

She bit her lip when Sirius sat down on her bed and looked up expectantly.

_Focus._

Marlene reached to the back of her closet to pull out a simple dress. They hadn't had much, but her mother had crafted the dress beautifully. She held it up against her.

“What do you think?”

Sirius’ gaze made her cheeks grow warm.

“It's perfect,” he stood and kissed her, then reached for the top button of the casual cotton dress she was wearing.

“Captain Black!” She put on a scandalized tone.

“You undressed me already! You have a very unfair advantage, going into this marriage.” He slid one side of the now open collar of her dress down so as to find new and unclaimed skin to kiss.

“I’m fairly certain that this was not how the sponge bath went.” The exasperation in her voice was lost to the way she sighed as he kissed her.

_Focus._

She gave him a half-hearted shove. “And you can wait outside just like I did. You’re distracting me from the task at hand.”

“Well, I’d hate to be a distraction” he teased one more slow kiss on her collarbone. “I’ll be on the sofa.” And with what looked like an immense amount of effort, he walked away and shut her door behind him.

Marlene took a moment to silently act like a third form school girl. She was giddy in a way she'd never felt before and with how awful the last few days had been the high was that much better. She changed and then took a moment to do something with her hair. She settled on just pinning back the sides. Marlene pinched her cheeks for color before taking a deep breath and walking out to meet Sirius.

Her heart burst when he looked at her.

“It's ok then? You look so refined in your uniform, I feel a bit underdressed.” She looked down at her dress and jumped in surprise when Sirius wrapped her in his arms and kissed her soundly.

“It's perfect!” He smiled down at her and laughed when she looked on dubiously. “Really, I would have married you the moment you put those glasses on my face if I hadn't been raised Prince Posh Wanker with all those damned social rules, Sister uniform and all.”

She kissed him again; she never wanted to stop kissing this man.

“We should leave now,” Sirius said against her, “or we're going to forget the marriage entirely.”

“That would be a shame…” she smirked as she placed breathy kisses along his neck.

He took her face in his hands. “If you're married to me we can put in the request for you to be transferred to London.”

Marlene was positive her whole body was going to burst at his words. She could be with him, in London. They would wake up together, they would fall into bed together, they'd start their lives together. She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the door.

“Step to it, Captain,” she winked at him as he laughed at her.

They were a right spectacle walking to the courthouse. Sirius would pull her into him every fifth step and kiss her, and Marlene would laugh and her heart would sing as he whispered into her ear.

“Sirius” she whispered her protest halfheartedly as he trailed little kisses down her neck. “People are watching…”

“Shouldn’t you be used to it by now? There are five Frenchmen who are probably still replaying that one show you put on over and over in their heads.”

“Are you quite sure that isn’t you that you’re thinking of?” Marlene smirked thinking about Sirius replaying that display in his mind.

“The Frenchmen never seemed inclined in such a way, but I suppose they could have found more to envy in you than me, depending. Either way, we’re a stunningly attractive couple and of course people will look at us.”

Marlene smacked his arm and laughed. “They look at us because your ego is so inflated that you may take flight at any moment.”

“Marlene?” His tone was softer as he slowed their pace.

“Yes?”

“We’re here. Let’s get married.” The smile on his face was enough to keep her warm all winter. She reached up and kissed him just one more time as Marlene McKinnon, then she followed him inside to become Marlene Black.

The ceremony was all rather stuffy, but Marlene couldn't have cared less as they said “I do.” She was happy, and in the midst of a war, in the midst of her own tragedy, she was going to thank the Fates for this one reprieve.

“To Hell with us then,” Sirius pulled her hand, toying with the ring on her finger.

Marlene laughed and let him pull her along. “You know, I do believe it's time I told the Devil we're through.”

“Of course you are,” Sirius stopped them to kiss her again. “I've proved the better man.”

“Well, you're certainly a kinder taskmaster.” Marlene ran her hands over his chest, before tapping up on the brim of his cap.

 “You seem rather sure of that,” he pouted as he fixed his cap. “How do you know I'm not worse?”

“Honestly, Sirius, you're hardly the one to torture a person.”

He tapped her nose, “Again, what makes you so sure?” His smile was contagious, dangerously so.

“You made the point yourself one day. How did you phrase it, Captain?” Marlene pulled him along, “Something like, ‘if this is torture, chain me to the wall’ wasn't it?”

Sirius spun her around into his arms again. His eyes bore into hers and Marlene suddenly couldn't catch her breath. “Maybe you just aren't aware yet of the kind of torture I prefer inflicting.” He brought his lips dangerously close to hers but then pulled away, and Marlene suddenly found herself being dragged along behind him.

She caught up to his side and reached up to whisper into his ear “I’m fairly certain that you’ll enlighten me of these… preferences.” She was pleased to see that he was as flustered as she was as he suddenly lost his footing. This was the game she wanted to keep playing for the rest of her life.

It was surprisingly simple to get her transfer request filled out. London was in desperate need of Sisters, and her Matron smiled warmly when she said that there was a strong chance she would be able to transfer by the next week. Then the gracious woman conceded to give her Saturday off. It had taken a great deal of self-control not to kiss Sirius right there in front of her.

They walked through "skull alley" and out onto the pavement toward her flat. Marlene knew she was smiling like a madwoman, but there was nothing for it, she was full of pure joy!

“I get to come home to my wife!” Sirius hugged her so tightly that her feet lifted off from the ground. “As soon as next week. That’s you. My wife. I like it.” He sounded positively goofy and looked even more so as he punctuated his excited speech with little kisses all over her face.

“I like it too. Husband.” She really wanted to get home but it was difficult not to stop every few paces to soak in the sunshine of this whole experience.

Marlene smirked up at him before she pulled Sirius’ hand and ran for her flat. She laughed at the initial look of surprise on Sirius’ face. But then he grinned and spun her around and they were running and dancing and laughing their way back to the privacy promised inside her home.

They were mad, round the bend, crazy, in love!

Sunshine.

Her hands fumbled with the key as Sirius kissed her neck and ran his hands along her waist and stomach.

“The blind leading the blind?” He quipped.

“Everything with you is difficult,” she laughed; speaking seemed to give her the clarity she needed and the door pushed open.

Sirius shut it behind them as he pushed her in and her heart soared at the sound of their solitude.

“Surely you don't mean that, Sunshine,” his lips found her neck and Marlene sighed as she caught sight of the clock.

“You have just over 39 hours to show me I'm wrong.” She tossed his cap to the sofa.

Sirius scooped her up in his arms and laughed at her shriek, “With pleasure, Mrs. Black.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for enjoying this story with us! There will be more Blackinnon from us coming soon!

Marlene smiled at the happy chaos unfolding outside. The fighting was over. After five and a half years of living in a state of fear and uncertainty, it had finally come to an end. She laughed at the small bonfire that the crowd had started.

“Isn’t it wonderful, Marlene?” Dorcas walked up next to her. After the bombing of London, the government started recruiting women to be military nurses, paying part of the tuition and offering to garnish the rest out of wages. Marlene had been thrilled to see the sharp-as-a-tack former maid take advantage of the program. She was her best Lieutenant.

Because the enemy was anything but civilized, all military nurses had been given military rank partway through the war. Marlene still shuddered at the stories that caused the change.

Marlene nodded, not able to get the smile off her face. They'd done it!

“Let's go out in the crowd for a few moments,” Dorcas smiled at her.

Marlene laughed. “You're welcome to use your lunch break to run amuck in that throng. I'll watch from here.”

“Just come to the front steps with me?” Dorcas pleaded.

Marlene eyed Dorcas; it wasn't like her to push an issue as trivial as this. Then she smiled. “He's on the front steps isn't he?”

“I'm not supposed to know what you're talking about…” Dorcas avoided her gaze.

Marlene laughed and grabbed her cap, “I've had a change of heart, Lieutenant. Let's go out into the crowd, celebrate a bit.”

Dorcas giggled, “I tried.” She defended.

“You forget I've been with the man for nearly five years, dear.” Marlene patted her cheek. “I won't tell him.”

Dorcas giggled and nodded.

Marlene expected Sirius to grab her from behind or some other dramatic display as she and Dorcas walked out the front doors to the Queen Alexandra's Military Hospital Millbank. The crowd was so large she could barely make out the River Thames. It would have been easy for him to blend in. Instead, as Dorcas descended the stairs into the throng, a familiar voice sounded just behind her ear.

“Major Black.”

“Colonel Black,” she turned and smiled up at her husband.

Sirius pulled her into him and kissed her without reservation. It had been four years of this, at some point; Marlene just accepted that he was going to kiss her wherever and whenever without regard to who might be looking on. In truth, Marlene didn't mind. She’d been the one to set the precedent with their earliest audiences of wounded Frenchmen, in any case.

“One day you'll outrank me,” he whispered in her ear.

“I don't know, Colonel, you keep doing amazing things you can't speak of and getting advancements for them, I somehow doubt I'll be able to keep up.” She pulled back and smirked up at him.

“Even so, I think it’s pretty clear who’s giving the orders here.” He tipped up her cap to better see her.

“Are you implying that I wear the trousers, Colonel?” Marlene readjusted her cap but not before knocking Sirius’ cap up as well.

Sirius gave her a look of shock. “You know very well that I prefer neither of us wearing trousers!”

“You’re terrible,” Marlene laughed and kissed him again, “but I love you.”

Sirius took her arm and began leading her back to her office. “I do miss calling you Sister some days. What would you be if we hadn't been fighting monsters?”

“A Matron,” she sighed as he pulled playfully on her tie. She preferred the combat dress, the American nurses gave her more respect when her uniform was more like the ones they wore.

“Ah, like the lovely woman who gave you the day off because I'd come down and married you.” He kissed her neck as they walked and smirked at how she nearly fell into him. “Done anything to pay forward her kindness?”

“I don't scream at the Americans on a regular basis.” Marlene chuckled

“There's the sunshine.” He stopped them for a moment and brought his lips back to hers. “Yes, our lads like to say the Americans are overpaid, oversexed and over here. The Americans haven't decided they’re any fonder of our customs now than they were 150 years ago I suppose.” He began pulling them back to her office, his steps a bit quicker than they'd been before.

Marlene scoffed, “But half my Lieutenants and all my staff nurses seem to think their life is incomplete if they don't run a liaison with at least one.”

“Well, when the two most attractive people in all of Britain are married to each other, the rest have to settle for something.” Sirius pushed her into her office and tossed their caps on her desk before he began loosening her tie.

“Sirius…” Marlene sighed as he undid the top button on her dress shirt.

“We're supposed to be celebrating, love,” and he kicked the door to her office shut.

“We could be demoted,” she let her hands work his tie loose.

“No one is going to come looking for you, everyone is out in the streets.” Sirius pulled his teeth along her skin and Marlene fought to stay standing. “Brigadier Hampton has given me a long lunch for some of those unspeakable reasons you like to reference.” His hand pulled her tie loose if its knot and set it on her desk. “The whole of the British Empire is celebrating, Sunshine, I just thought we ought to join in.” He brought his lips to hers just brushing them before pulling away and Marlene conceded the point; she locked her door.

“Quietly, eh?” Marlene tossed his tie on her desk. “And do try not to wrinkle my shirt this time.”

Sirius pulled her closer and laughed, “I make no such promises.”

He rested his forehead against hers and his eyes seemed to bore into hers.

“The war is over, Sunshine! We've done it! Life can be normal now, how we want it to be!”

“Yes!” Marlene kissed him as her heart seemed to finally explode within her for the joy that peace brought.

Sirius pulled back far enough to speak against her lips. “What about a baby?”

Marlene's heart near fluttered out of her chest. “A...what?”

Sirius laughed and Marlene’s heart soared. “We should have one. It’d be a crying shame for these genes to go to waste. Don’t you think?”

“I think I’m a fan of the idea, though I must say I hope our child doesn’t inherit your giant head.” She brushed her lips against his.

“Our child! We can be parents, Sunshine. This is the life we spent these past five years fighting for.” Sirius picked her up by her waist and spun her.

“Our child.” Her voice grew quieter. “I like it. Let’s have a child, Sirius!”

“Best step to it then, eh?” Sirius smirked against her lips as he kissed her with an enthusiasm she'd never felt before.

It was true what they said, victory was very sweet. It was especially true for those who’d found love during those dark days. They’d been given glimpses of happiness along the way, and now the clouds of war were clearing in earnest, making way for a lifetime of sunshine.


End file.
